Thinking of Jeannette

Corona virus n I’m on lockdown in my home.  I wake up praising God for giving me another day to make things right.  Mother’s Day came n left. I was almost truly happy but only one thing keeps me from being wonderfully content n happy n it’s my Jeannette. She is forever in my heart. I miss her so much. As soon as this quarantine is over I plan on visiting her grave.  I love God n I know she is with him in heaven. At least I know she is not in pain.  I always hope to see her in my dreams. It’s only happened once.  Maybe tonight ❤️

WITH DONNA

Today is a good day. Here I am at my sister’s bedside. She is resting and I’m just glad she is not in pain.  Yesterday I started a Go Fundme for her. Under Donna Balderama.  I posted the link for donations and nothing happened. Nobody that reads this blog gave not even a dollar. Maybe nobody is reading my blog about my Jeannette no more.  I leave all this in God hands.   All I know is that if Jeannette were alive, that she would have been first to donate. She loved her auntie Donna.  

She is in my Heart

Gosh I sure wish the days of her as a teenager were back again. She n her friend Cammie had such a close bond. I loved hearing her giggling on the phone with Cammie.  Time has gone by so fast n now it’s been 10 years that she died. She died too young. Left behind her four precious children.  She also left behind  her nieces n nephews.  One of which reminds me so much of her.  Her name is Ashlee.  Ashlee is beautiful n smart n loving n kind just like her auntie.  I miss my Jeannette.  As I sit here in my home looking at all the pictures I have of her, I shed tears.  When my tears are dry , I smile. Because she is with Jesus n not in pain. 

Jeannette’s auntie

This is Jeannette’s auntie Donna.  She is on hospice care now.  Diagnosed with a brain tumor called Glioblastoma  the worst kind  she is battling it  had chemotherapy n radiation but the tumor just got bigger n worse   She is worried about her funeral expenses so I calmed her down n told her I would do a gofund me on the internet.  She can’t talk or see well at this point but she smiled when I told her my plan.  Her name is Donna Balderama. May God find it in your heart to donate.  Pretty soon Donna will be with Jeannette.  I’m heartbroken to know I will lose my baby sister.  I lost my dad n brother last year. It’s been a very stressful time.  God is on my side. I know someone somewhere will go to Gofund me. Donna Balderama.  Thank you so much. God Bless you all. ❤️

10 years ago

It’s been a long time that I have not posted on my blog. There’s been so many things happening in my life. Sept 3,2019 marked ten years that Jeannette died.  I was looking at all her pictures as I sat quietly in my bed with tears flowing down my face. Losing a child is the most heat breaking thing. JeNnette lives in my heart. Her body is gone but she’s alive in my heart. I think of her often. Everybody close to me was calling me to ask if I was ok. Jeannette’s sister was with me all day comforting me n being so supportive.  I imagine Jeannette in Heaven with Jesus n I smile. One day I will see her again. Luv my baby girl. ❤️

Nine years that you took your last breath

Nine years ago you went to Heaven. It was the worst day of my life. I cried so much n I’m still crying today because I miss you so much. Time has not healed me. Everyday I wake up missing you. Wishing you were here enjoying our time together.  We all miss you.  Ashlee reminds me so much of you. She has a baby that she loves so much just like you did yours. I remember how you would try to be strict with the older ones but you always let them have their way.  When you were too sick to drive you still wanted to go look fit Pokémon’s for Conner n Shane. I drove you to the mall n helped you along the way. You were in pain n walked slow but you were determined to get that toy for them.  that day you asked me to take you to store to buy the pets food. You thought about everybody in your home. What a beautiful kind heart you had. You loved  all your friends n would talk fondly about them. I’m glad I was there for you. I never wanted to be anywhere else but with you.  Someday I’ll be there with you again. Then I won’t cry anymore

Memories of my baby

August  22,2018.  This picture of her brings back memories. It was the start of her battle with breast cancer.  In that day she had minor surgery to have a port placed on her upper chest. When she was done she asked me if I would join her for a pedicure. I thought to myself that she sure was positive about her health and was upbeat on her day.  She fought with all her might to win her battle.  During her last month on earth and while in the hospital and in pain she looked out the window n noticed a Baskin Robbin sign. She asked me to bring her a mint chocolate ice cream. I ran across street n got it for her but when I returned to her room she was asleep.  I didn’t disturb her because I knew as soon as she woke up that she would be in pain. My Jeannette suffered so much. The worst thing for me is that I couldn’t take her pain away.       That was 2009. Now it’s 2018 n on September 3,2018 it will be 9 years that she went to Heaven.  Time has not eased my pain.  Right now tears flowing as I drive to Baskin Robbins n get a mint chocolate ice cream n sit in my car while listening to her favorite Celine Dion songs.  Missing her so much.