CUANDO ALLA SE PASE LISTA

I prayed to God today telling him "Thank You" for giving me Jeannette even if for a short time.  I am grateful for having her as my last baby.  A baby that I loved with all my might.  I also thank him for taking all the pain she endured away.  In my heart I know she is peaceful and happy now.


Today, while in the shower I sang an old hymn that my mother used to sing in church.  I don't ever sing in the shower but for some reason I did today.  I remembered the chorus of the hymn.


Cuando alla se pase lista,
Cuando alla se pase lista,
Cuando alla se pase lista;
A mi nombre yo feliz respondere


I love that song.  Reminds me of mama.  I bet she sings it with Jeannette in Heaven.

SHE LOVED HER CHILDREN SO VERY MUCH

Still having problems inserting pics but working on it.




One of the last conversations I had with Jeannette will forever be in my mind. 


We talked about her children.  She cried so much telling me how she didn't want to leave them.  She wondered out loud who would take LoLo shopping when school starts and who would remember to make sure the boys did their homework on time.  She kept going on and on asking and asking.  I kept telling her things would work out and that she shouldn't worry.  It didn't work.  She cried.  She dozed off for a minute and then again began worrying about her children.  It was her main focus.


A wonderful and awesome mommy. 

AN OUTSTANDING LATINA

Thursday morning in Fresno, California.  Having trouble again inserting pics on this blog but oh, well, what the heck.  I will write about my Jeannette.  Nothing can stop me. 

I remember teaching all my children to be proud of being Latinos.  My own grandmother told her children and all her grandchildren many wonderful stories about our history and our heritage.  She told us that we were the descendants of one of the greatest, oldest and most beautiful cultures in the world.  She said honoring our heritage meant that we had to educate ourselves, do the best we could whether it was in school or at work, and that we had to not only respect and care for our families, but also respect and care for ourselves.....

I will always be grateful to my family for those lessons on how to be proud and strong Latina.  I believe that is why Jeannette was a strong warrior during her battle with breast cancer.  She certainly listened to me as I told her all about my upbringing and my wonderful grandmother. 

Jeannette was one of a kind.  So beautiful inside and out.  An outstanding Latina.

ANOTHER DAY WITHOUT HER

THINKING OF HER






It is Wednesday morning here in Fresno, California.  Such a beautiful morning once again.  I am here sitting in front of this PC while drinking my morning coffee and thinking of Jeannette.  I shouldn't even be on this blog about her.  I should be with her.  She should be alive and living her life happy and carefree.  Breast Cancer took her from me.  The memories of her trying to live her life normal while living in Thousand Oaks breaks my heart.  She didn't want her children to know how serious this ugly breast cancer was.  Hiding her pain, wearing her wigs, driving them to school in pain, attending school plays, meetings, helping them with their homework, etc.  She was a warrior.  Never giving up hope that somehow she would win her battle. 


We became extremely close and in such a way that I had always wanted before she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  I thank God for that.  MISSING HER EVERYDAY

A BIG THANK YOU TO MY FAMILY

Having trouble with my Picture edits.  Can't figure it out for now but oh, what the heck, I just want to write about my beautiful daughter that I lost to Breast Cancer in 2009.


I am proud to be a Latina.  In our culture, we are taught that family is everything.  I could gladly meet any of life's challenges as long as I had my family by my side to face them head-on.  I am blessed to have had them to be with me as I went through deep grief during that time when Jeannette left to Heaven.  If it wasn't for my cousin, Rene, I just don't know what would have become of me.  In between her life and living 40 miles away from me, she made sure to check up on me and when I wouldn't answer the door as she stood there knocking and knocking, she would bang on the windows and yell out my name.  I wanted her to just go away and leave me alone and under my bed covers depressed.  She didn't leave.  Thank you to all my family that still to this day calls me, emails me or text me to make sure I am o.k.  Especially Rene.  I am very blessed. 

SHE GAVE ME HER TRUE FEELINGS ABOUT LIFE

It is Monday, January 20, 2014.  Another holiday without her.  Another day drinking my morning coffee without her.  Remembering our long conversations.  During her battle with breast cancer we sat down in her lovely living room and talked.  I shall never forget what she told me on one of those special days spent with her. 

 She said, "The greatest thing you have to your self-image, a positive opinion of yourself.  "Mama, You must never let anyone take it from you."

I WANTED HER TO COME HOME

January 14, 2014:


Thinking about Jeannette and wishing she would be here in my home enjoying a hot cup of coffee with me.  My life has never been the same since she passed on September 3, 2009. 


On her last days on earth I watched her as she lay there, propped up in the  bed by sanitized hospital pillows and covered by numerous white sheets and blankets.  Her body was swathed in the unattractive, thin material of the hospital gown.  The hospital bed, with all its railings, made her look like a small bird in a large cage.  How I wished she could come home to Fresno and be with me instead of Ventura, California.  It was not to be.  I had no rights to her.  It was her husband who would make the final decisions of her life.  I disagreed with all of them.  I wanted my Jeannette home with me and far away from him. 

WHAT DO YOU STAND FOR?

Someone once said, "Life is like a wild goose chase without the goose."  It can feel like a search for something that's always elusive.  In the midst of the search, however, a book as trustworthy as the Bible assures us that the Creator of the universe cares so much for us that He came seeking after each of us.

In a world of loneliness, despair, and rejection, the Bible offers hope and encouragement. 

I started reading my bible and have had such comfort especially during my difficult days grieving for Jeannette. 

I take comfort knowing that God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 

 

A LETTER TO MY JEANNETTE AT THE START OF 2014

January 1, 2014.

Dear Jeannette

A start of a new year without you.  It has been a difficult four years since you left us to go with Jesus in Heaven.

If you were here I am sure that you would be proud to know that your nieces, Ashlee and Bianca took your advice about always setting goals and when reaching those goals go on to more and more and more.  Bianca is attending Fresno State and is scoring high grades.  Ashlee is attending college in pursuit of becoming a nurse.  She has a lot of compassion and is so giving just like you were.  Your nephews, Christian, Jake and Nick are all doing good in elementary school.  Your sis, Diana is at times going through grieving periods.  She misses you so much as do I.  Your brother is doing good and you would be so proud of him.  He is an awesome father to his three children and a good husband to his wife.  He doesn't hang out with his friends, drinking and coming home late like your dad did to me.  Your brother is the complete opposite of your dad.  He is hands on and you would be happy to know he is a Cub Scout leader to his boys.  His little girl is absolutely adorable.  She resembles you and is so good.  When I hold her I think of you as a little baby and I give her big hugs and kisses. 

We all miss you and love you so much.