My Mija

  Easter is right around the corner and a time most families get together.  As I begin to make my phone calls to relatives, cousins, etc. there is one fact in mind.  The fact that I will not be calling Jeannette to join us. 


She was a happy young mother of four children back in 2008 and out celebrating Easter with her own family in Thousand Oaks.  She wasn't feeling great due to a slight headache and cold symptoms however, she made sure the children didn't notice and worry at all.  They had a fun time that day.  Later that night she took some over the counter cold remedies and went to bed.  Next day, she felt worse.  Three days went by and finally decided to make an appointment with her doctor.  Sure enough, the doctor said it was a bad flu virus and advised her to rest and drink plenty of water and that the virus would be over in a couple days.  She went home and then began to notice a small lump right under her shoulder blade and above her right breast.  Soon after went to Kaiser Hospital and had the doctor there check it out.  He told her it was a pectoral muscle and and gave her a prescription for Ibuprofen 600 mg.  She took the medicine and towards the end of April of 2008 she went back to the doctor at Kaiser and told him the lump was still there and asked if they could do a Mammogram.  The doctor said no they could not because it was a pectoral inflamed muscle and that she was "too young" for a mammogram. 


A week later and on Mother's Day 2008, she came to Fresno to see me and celebrate Mothers Day.  I noticed right away that she did not look well.  Her beauty was still there but the frown on her face made me ask her what was wrong.  She told me she was feeling tired, sleepy all the time and attributed that to the medication she was taking at the time.


Later that night she asked me to check out the lump.  I placed my hand over the lump and immediately felt electricity going straight to me heart.  A feeling of terror came over me.  She looked at my expression and asked me what was wrong.  I managed and by the grace of God to put all my emotions away deep inside me and told her that she needed to see a different doctor and get a mammogram. 


The following Monday she called me hysterically crying saying to me, "Ma, I have breast cancer last stage."


The beginning of my emotional days seeing my daughter in pain and not able to help her.  It will forever haunt me.  My beloved Jeannette.  I miss her so much. 

NEVER EVER A PHONE CALL FROM HER

 Beautiful day here in Fresno, California.  Just finished rearranging my kitchen which only consisted of placing the microwave oven on opposite side of counter and coffee pot right under the coffee supply cabinet.  As I get older I notice that things have got to easier for me as I go about my life.  I park my car closer to the grocery store but then sometimes further away to get in my daily exercise requirements for my age.  I look down wherever I walk in order not to slip and fall.  I drive in slower lane of freeways believing that it's safer to drive. 


Jeannette never got a chance to live as old as me.  When I found out for the first time that she had breast cancer, I fell to my knees crying out to God to please let me have the breast cancer and take it away from Jeannette.  I cried for days but in the end, she went to Heaven.  No amount of tears could bring her back.  She is permanently only 37 years old.  A beauty lies underneath 6 feet of dirt under an old oak tree in Los Angeles, California.  She will never ever be a grandmother like me.  She will never ever call me.  It hurts so damn much.  All I have left is her sweet voice on my phone messages saying, "Ma, don't worry about me." 


This beautiful day is lacking only one thing.  Jeannette Eileen.  If she were here it would be perfect.

Any Dream with her in it is amazing.

 I am proud of Jeannette for so very many reasons especially her time served in the United States AirForce.  She was strong and loyal and dependable when she served all over the world. 


It is about time I enter another post of my beloved daughter.  I have been busy working again and so many things going on. 


The other night I had a dream of Jeannette.  I was stuck in a pool of tar up to my knees and couldn't get out.  As much as I tried to move out of the sticky stuff, I just could not move.  I panicked and began to cry for help.  Nobody around me but I could see at a distance a flashlight pointing towards me so I flung up my arms waving back and forth and yelling, "Help."  I heard another voice yelling, "Help Me."  I turned around as best as I could and realized Jeannette's dad was behind me but at a distance and also stuck in the tar.  What an asshole, I thought to myself.  I can't stand him.  I wondered to myself why was he also there.  Was he following me?  Anyway, a helicopter flew above us and a paramedic lowered himself just above us.  He yelled out for us to try and reach as best as we could to him.  Low and behold, he pulled up Jeannette's dad from the sticky tar and pulled him up but for some reason the helicopter crashed onto the tar pool.  Then I saw a rope close to me and I started to hold on to it and kept pulling myself closer and closer to the end of the tar pool.  Finally, I got out of that mess and when I stood up I saw Jeannette holding on to the end of the rope.  She is the one that saved me.  I yelled out to her, "Nettle, thank you so much."  But before I could blink an eye, she was gone.  As I walked to safety I cried tears of joy at not being in the tar pool but also because Jeannette had saved me.  After, I got into my car I reached for my cellphone and dialed 911 and asked for help for the people that had crashed.  Then I drove off and back to my home.  When I reached my destination, I woke up.  It was a weird dream.  Still trying to figure out what it meant. 


Just knowing Jeannette was in my dream makes me happy.  Missing her so much.

ALWAYS ON MY MIND

Sunday morning on this first day of March, 2015.  Another month starts without her.  Time has helped me with my grief. 


My life is so busy that I have not had the time to write on my blog as much as I would like to.  Going back to work is fun but now I rarely have free time to do the things I love to do.  My blog means a lot to me and the fact that there are so many fans out there in the world waiting for me to enter another post keeps me going. 


Jeannette is always on my mind.