Happy Thanksgiving to all my family, friends and especially all the people from around the world that read my posts. I give thanks to God for allowing me to be Jeannette's mother even if it was for such a short time here on earth. 2008 was the last time spent with us at Thanksgiving in Fresno, California. I can still see her smiling face at the dinner table that hid her profound pain she experienced 24/7. She wanted so much to have her whole immediate family gathered around her at the dinner table and so we all did that for her. I sat next to her and noticed how she smiled and just moved her food around her plate with her fork. She thought nobody noticed that she was not really eating anything but I did. I never let up and told her that I noticed and I definitely did not encourage her to eat. That alone would have blown her cover and she would have got emotional in front of her children and I sure didn't want that to happen. I cried inside me instead. I will say this, she was a perfect picture of beauty on that day. Wearing her favorite jeans, top and boots as she made her way to the dining table. If a stranger would have walked in and seen her they would have never guessed she was dying with breast cancer spreading like crazy all over her body. God kept her beautiful on the outside. On this day of the year 2015, I miss her so much and will try not to get too emotional as we all gather at the dining table to eat our turkey and give thanks for all the blessings.
Thank YOU God for everything. Thank you for Jeannette.
Yesterday was Melanie's third birthday. She is my youngest grandchild. We had a very nice party planned and as time got closer to the joyous event, the rain started falling and eventually turned into a very big storm with lightening and thunder. I drove slowly down Blackstone Avenue due to the heavy rain. My grandson was in the backseat and said he was scared. I told him it would be over by the time we got there but it sure was a long way to go. We finally arrived at our destination which was "Chuckie Cheese" in Riverpark area of town. Melanie ran to me and hugged me. We had a great time, eating, laughing, singing happy birthday to her and seeing her open her presents with such excitement.
Sunday morning and feeling great after drinking my second cup of coffee. Ran out of coffee creamer so I drank it black. At first it tasted bitter to me but then after the second cup I really enjoyed it. It's the same with almost all things in life. Especially life changes. It was so damn hard for me full of grief in 2009 after the loss of my beloved Jeannette however after six years I have used tools to help me with grief. This blog is a lot of help for me. I will never totally be without grief but at least I can cope now. Yes, at times it hits me hard but then I write about my feelings and somehow, someway, I feel better. 
All day today I thought about all the birthdays she had as a child, teen and until she died. When she was 7 years old she asked me for a pizza party and roller town. I managed to do it. She invited her friends and then came home to tell me she told them it would be a slumber party. I had planned on just the pizza party and roller town but o.k. it would be a slumber party too. All I wanted was for her to know how much I loved her, how much we all loved her and would do anything to make her birthday the best for her. 
She was born today, November 5, 1971 in Fresno, California. A cold winter morning at 7:00 a.m. or there about. A beautiful pink and fat little baby was placed into my exhausted but loving arms only seconds after her birth. She opened one eye and looked at my smiling face and then shut it back down. The nurses wheeled me into room 6004 bed one and proceeded to gently cover me with warm blankets. They had taken Jeannette to the nearby nursery at that moment in time. I slept for an hour and when I woke up I called the nurse and asked her if I could see my baby. Soon I had my baby girl in my arms again. I examined her fingers and counted five on each of her tiny hands and then her toes and yes, she was all healthy and beautiful. A day later, an office assistant came in to ask me about me about my baby's name. I said yes and replied, Jeannette Eileen. I made sure to remind her of the spelling. Then I went back to cuddling with my baby. I loved her so much and still do. She is not a baby anymore. But in my heart she will always be my baby.