GOODBYE 2016

She lived a happy life for the most part.  Here she is up at the snow having fun.  I think it must have been 2007.  She had four beautiful children but left them forever in 2009.  She never had a chance to see them grow.  The oldest one at the time was 16.  She never had a chance due to breast cancer that took her from all of us.  She was in so much pain during all her chemo and radiation treatments.  No medication could take away the pain.  I cried out for help during her last stay at the hospital.  The nurses told me it wasn't time for her next dosage.  The doctor finally came to her bedside and ordered more pain meds.  She slept for a little but as soon as she was awake it was pain all over again. Can you imagine it.  Hearing her cry to me was heart breaking. 

Now, heading into 2017 and I thank God for all my blessings of 2016.  He blessed me with a great grandbaby in June, 2016.  He is adorable and I love him so much.  In November, my dear daddy lost his kidneys to failure and now undergoes dialysis three times per week.  Please pray for him.  On the first week of January, 2017 he will have surgery so needless to say, I am worried. 

In May of 2017, my granddaughter, Bianca will graduate from Fresno State University and then onto Graduate school.  I am very proud of her.  She was brought up in a single parent home and almost on the poverty level but I was always there helping out as much as I could.  She soared above all the classmates in grammar school and in high school.  She listened to my advice and is now about to reach her goals in life.  She holds down three jobs and teaches a Zumba class on weekends.  All this while going to school full time. 

As I reflect on 2016 I am grateful for all my blessings.  Yes, there were some tough times especially when my dad fell ill and was hospitalized and also when my washing machine broke and I had to buy a another one.  The good times out weigh the bad times.  Life goes on.  Another year gone without my beloved Jeannette.  I sure miss her phone calls and all the hugs and fun times we shared. 

Happy New Year to all my fans reading my posts.  God Bless.

CHRISTMAS TIME 2016

It has been over 7 years that my beloved Jeannette went to Heaven.  She is always on my mind especially during this holiday time.  Remembering how much she loved decorating her home and making a warm and cozy home for her family that she loved so very much.

Right in the middle of my shopping I notice young mothers with their children making their way to the toy sections of the stores.  I imagine Jeannette doing same thing.  She adored her four children and always made sure Santa brought them what they requested.  It is sad for me at times witnessing all the laughter and glee of families in the stores.  Sometimes I sit in my car in the parking lot drinking my coffee and listening the music and if I am lucky a song will come out that Jeannette loved. 

My current focus in life is my father.  He has really taken a turn for the worse.  His kidneys shut down and now he is on dialysis.  It is taking a toll on his health.  He has no energy.  I went to visit him on Tuesday and found him sitting on his favorite chair covered in warm blanket.  He asked me who I was.  I said, "It's me, daddy."  As I got closer to him he recognized me and was so happy.  My sister and my nephew take good care of him otherwise he would have to be in an assisted living facility.  I am grateful to them for taking on 24/7 responsibility in taking care of him. 

I became a great grandmother in June of this year.  What a blessing to be a great grandmother.  Noah is adorable and such a good baby. 

My granddaughter is about to finish Fresno State University and going on to Graduate School.  I am so proud of her.  Can't wait to celebrate with her.  I know if Jeannette were alive she would be so proud of her too. 

This year has been a blessing to me.  I thank God for waking up everyday  and being able to spread his love.  God is Love. 

Jeannette is missed so much.  Not one day goes by that I do not think of her.  Right now wearing her pink robe and slippers as I  type this post.   Her picture is close by.  I am sure she approves of this post. 

Missing My Jeannette

Monday morning here in Fresno, California.  I am drinking my morning coffee while listening to the television and at the same time looking at pictures of my precious daughter.  Yesterday, I was talking to a new friend all about Jeannette.  All about her battle with breast cancer and as I was talking emotions spilled out of my eyes in the form of big giant tears.  My friend hugged me and told me how sorry she was to know I lost my beloved Jeannette. 


Thanksgiving times with my family was so very sweet.  My oldest grandchild came to visit me with her little family. The whole family gathered around the dining table holding hands and prayed before we ate our big feast.   


Wish I could have had my Jeannette with us.  Missing her so much.

SHE LOVED MY SOPA

this picture reminds me of her.  She was the cutest and most adorable little girl.  How I wish I had her here with me right now, this very minute.  I just made her favorite sopa that she always got seconds and thirds of. 

2,557 Days

It has been 2,557 days that she died.  Exactly 365 weeks and 2 days.


Today is the day in 2009 that my beautiful daughter died in Ventura, California.  She and I never had closure because she was in induced acoma at the request of her husband.  A decision that I objected and made my blood boil. 


Today is 7 years that she no longer calls me or comes to see me.  She and I had a relationship like no other.  I miss her so much.  Sometimes when grief visits me I stay in bed and cry and get depressed but when that happens our God sends in an Angel to comfort me.  It is Jeannette telling me not to cry and that she is rejoicing in Heaven.  She is not in pain anymore.


God is Love.


I choose God. 

MISSING HER

 September 1, 2016.  In two more days and on September 3, 2009 is the day she died and went to Heaven.  It has been a very sad and difficult seven years that I have not had her in my life.  I try to go about my life in a happy positive way but there are times that I just do not want to get out of bed.  Grief comes and goes but when it hits me it is very hard.  Right now and as I type these words, I have tears flowing down my cheeks because I miss her so much.  They say time heals all wounds but these here wounds of mine are never ever going to heal.  They are permanent. 


I opened my bible right now and the first verse I read helps me so much.  Here it is.


Isaiah 41:13  For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, "Fear not, I will help you."


Yes, he is. 

A WONDERFUL MOMMY TO HER CHILDREN

She was so full of life.  A day in the life of Jeannette was like no other.  She multi tasked quite a bit.  It was as if she was in a hurry to get things done before she went to Heaven.  During one day back in 2008, I was at her home and helping her in whatever she needed.  Her pain was constant as she went about her days.  During one particular time she requested albums from Costco saying she wanted to organize each of her children's important things in each.  Things like birth certificates, health records, pictures, etc.  By the end of the day we were all helping her organize.  When it was all done and tucked away in a safe place she was happy.  What a loving and wonderful mommy she was to her children. 

Jeannette lived for 13, 813 days

37 years

9 months

25 days

Missing her more today than yesterday.  My beautiful daughter is gone but her memories live on. 

I love Her

It feels so good to be able to write about my beloved Jeannette once again.  She is my angel in heaven now and at times I feel her near me.  I do talk to her and even though she does not answer me in the flesh I can hear her in my thoughts.  Just the other day as I was about to leave on a trip to see my granddaughter I had a feeling that I should take the rocking chair that Jeannette had used to rock her babies.  After a short struggle I managed to fit it in the trunk of my car.  My granddaughter was very excited to have it for her baby.  She had Noah in late June.  My first great grandbaby.  Such an adorable baby.  When I held him I thought about Jeannette how I know she would have been with her niece to comfort her and help her if she were alive.  That is the kind of person Jeannette was.  A loving, kind and compassionate person.  I really miss her so much. 

CUPCAKES AND COCOA

I found this on the internet and I have to admit it sure made me go back in time.  Jeannette looked just like this when she was a little girl.  She would sit at the dinner table and draw hearts.  One day she drew a pretty pink one and gave it to me.  After about a minute she came back to where I was and asked me if I would join her in eating a chocolate cupcake and hot cocoa.  I told her we didn't have any chocolate cupcakes in the pantry and for sure we did not have cocoa.  She looked at me with her big brown eyes and said to me, "Mommy, we can go to Bobs Big Boy.''  I hesitated but of coarse I said yes and as we drove to Bobs Big Boy she asked me one favor.  She asked if we could bring back cupcakes for her brother and sister.  I said o.k.  and so we stopped at Savemart grocery store after and I bought a few items I needed and yes, I bought a box of cupcakes and cocoa.  She was the cutest and smartest and most loving little girl in the world.  I thank God for blessing me with her even if it was for a short time.  Those were the best years of my life.  Being her "Mommy." 

PROUD OF HER

Everytime I see this picture of her I begin to cry.  Tears of grief, tears of how proud I was of her in the military and  HAPPY tears knowing that one day I will see her again.


Thinking of her today as I go about my day.  Driving down Blackstone or heading up the coast in Atascadero  or down south to Corcoran, wishing she was in the car with me laughing like she used to do. 


She is my beloved Nettle Poodle.  My baby girl. 

BEGINNING OF THE BATTLE

I love this pic of her.  She looks so beautiful on that day in 2008.  It was the beginning of her battle with breast cancer.  On that particular day she was waiting for the nurse to call her name and go into short stay surgery to place a portal inside her upper chest so that the chemo meds.  She said to me that when it was over that she wanted to go eat a pizza at Me-n-Eds.  She was optimistic and was in such a positive mood that morning.  I smiled but inside of me I was nervous and tears wanted to burst out of my eyes but I held it all in for her sake.  As you all know by now, she passed away on September,3,2009.  I miss her so damn much.  Every night I pray that I will dream of her. 

SHE LOVED HER CHILDREN

 

She called me one particular day  in 2009 from her home in Thousand Oaks, California.  She was alone in her home and sitting on her couch as her dog, Matches and her cute white kitty cats sat at her feet.  Her children were in school and she just wanted to drink coffee and chit chat with me.  We had a very long conversation about anything and everything she wanted to get off her mind.  I remember we talked about her daughter, LoLo.  Jeannette loved her so much and worried about her not having her mom to help her pick out her school clothes or makes sure she kept her dental appointments, etc.  I reassured her that LoLo would be well taken care of. 

Jeannette loved her children.

 

SHE IS IN HEAVEN

LOVING MY DAUGHTER

Thinking of her early this morning.  Her purse is hanging on a hook on my closet door and that is the first thing my eyes saw when I opened them.  Jeannette's life was a Blessing, her memory a treasure.  She is loved beyond words and missed beyond measure.  If I could see her one more day, I would hug her so tight and tell her all about the family.  She would be so proud of her nephews and nieces just as I am. 

 

Jeannette is in Heaven

Monday morning and oh what a beautiful one it is.  Positive energy all around me.  My daughter brought me breakfast in bed and also surprised me with pan dulce(Mexican sweet bread) from my favorite bakery located on Fruit and Shields.  The Mi Ranchito bakery.  It's always packed early in the morning with people buying up delicious sweet stuff.


Living a good life with my family and loving God.  All my days are filled with love. 


Look! I am coming quickly, and My reward is with Me to repay each person according to what he has done.


-Revelation 22:12

NECKLACE AND WEDDING RING

 It is a beautiful Wednesday here in Fresno, California.  The sun is out and all this tends to make me happy.  I think about Jeannette and wonder if she is with my dear mother in Heaven.


When I was growing up, my mother had a ring she never took off.  It was the only ring I ever saw her wear.  She wore is when she swept, when she mopped, when she made her large mound of golden flour tortillas, when she sewed buttons on my dad's shirts and when she washed clothes on the rubboard. 


She didn't really have any other jewelry. The years passed.  Mama toiled around at home keeping it clean and my dad worked long hours in the cotton fields of Corcoran, California.  Eventually, when I turned 12 years of age, I started making tortillas for the whole family and helped my mother around the house but my dad never had help working out in the fields.  He never complained. 


After my mother died in 2009, my father gave to me the ring that mom wore all her life.  It was her wedding ring.  The ring she cherished so much is now wrapped in a soft cloth and tucked away in a beautiful tiny box and hidden in my bedroom.  I cherish it too.  I also cherish times spent in Corcoran with my dad.  He is alone now and does not have to work out in the fields anymore.  Lives on his Social Security and is in good health, thanks to God. 


Jeannette had a necklace she cherished and almost at the end of her life, she gave it to me. 


It is wrapped in a soft cloth along with my mom's ring in a beautiful tiny box and hidden away. 


Missing my Jeannette and my dear mama.  Someday, I will see them again.  Someday, I too will leave the necklace and wedding ring to my daughter Diana. 

FOCUS ON GOD

  Be glad and rejoice:
                                  for the Lord will do great things.
                                          Joel: 2:21 KJV




There are evil people that I know that focus on "Money" instead of God.  As much as they try to throw shade on me it never works.  People know the real me.  I focus on God and my family.


No matter what others try to do, God is on my side. 


I hope they read this post and get a wake up call before it's too late.  Focus on God. 

Rain and thoughts of her

  It is raining so much today here in Fresno, California on this Tuesday morning.  Thoughts of Jeannette run through my mind.  Happy thoughts of her as a young teen.  Jeannette running in the rain to my car as I picked her up from school.  She would jump into the back seat and immediately begin to take off her jacket, shoes and socks and say, "Ma, let's go to Jack in the Box."  Of coarse I would and then afterwards yell at her to put on her shoes before she stepped out of the car and into the house.  She almost never listened and within a couple of days would complain of a sore throat.  I guess I was very lenient and made her days happy and carefree. 


As I reflect and days gone by, I smile knowing I was the best mom to her that I could possibly be during her teen years. 


Missing my Nettle Poodle.

FEELING HER LOVE ALL THE WAY FROM HEAVEN.

  Today is my birthday.  I am super excited about my birthday party and seeing all my family and friends come together to celebrate with me.  The only thing that is sad is that Jeannette won't be attending because she is rejoicing in God's Kingdom in Heaven.  I smile knowing she is not in pain anymore.  If she were here today I know that she would be in charge of the entire party.  She loved setting up tables, decorations, and above all else, being here with her mommy.  She loved me so much.  I can still feel her love all the way from Heaven. 

PRAY

 It's raining this morning here in Fresno, California.  Thinking about Jeannette and wishing she was here right now to have a hot cup of coffee and chit chat before I leave for work.  There is so much I would want to tell her.  So many good things are happening in my life at the start of 2016.  My prayers are being answered.  Thinking positive and praying the rest of this year is good.


THANK YOU GOD FOR THE RAIN TODAY