HER FIRST SURGERY. WAITING ROOM AND INTO HER THOUGHTS

Here she was deep into her thoughts in the waiting room of a hospital.  I wonder if she was thinking what the hell am I as young as I am, doing in this waiting room and moments from being called to surgery to implant a device on my chest in order for doctors and nurses to have quick access to my veins.  She was scared that day but did not want to show it due to her youngest named Conner had accompanied her to the hospital along with me and her husband.  No sooner had they escorted us to the waiting room when her husband said, "Well, you're mom's here anyway so I'm heading out with Conner and will call the hospital from time to time and check to see if you're ready to come home."  I looked at Jeannette's face to see her reaction.  She was so preoccupied with her surgery that she didn't even care.  I cared.  What kind of a man, a husband would leave his wife and act like it was no big deal and leave.  It pissed me off.  But, I did not want Jeannette to get upset so I let it go.  I hugged her and told her that I would be waiting for her when she came out of surgery.  She smiled at me as the nurse escorted her to the surgery room.  I prayed everything would turn out well. That was around 7:00 a.m.  She was in recovery by around noon time and ready to leave at around 2:00 p.m.  Her husband arrived just in time to take her home. She was in a good mood on the way home and kept telling me that she was going to win her battle with cancer and for me not to worry so much.  I managed to crack a smile to hide the fact that I was so nervous and so sad at what she had to go through.  My poor sweet Jeannette.  I miss her so much.  She didn't deserve all that she went through. 

ThanksGiving 2008 Her Last.

Here is the picture of her last Thanksgiving.  It was a most memorable occasion.  She is seated back left hand side.  She had plate full of food but barely ate a bite.  It was held at her dad's house.  She had requested that the whole family be together on that special day.  The day went as planned and I participated only at her request.  I would do anything for my girl. 

BREAST CANCER TOOK MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER

Breast Cancer is the most devastating news any woman can get.  To be 38 years of age and be told you that the cancer has traveled far and deep in your bones and has eaten away at your breasts has to be the most heart wrenching news Jeannette could have ever gotten.  She was in denial at first.  Had a good attitude in the beginning and was optimistic that she would win her battle with this dreadful cancer.  She smiled at first but as days went by the smiles turned into tears.  Tears of being in pain.  A pain that no pain medicines could take away.  Above all this tragedy was the fact that her husband was a total jerk.  I shall never forgive him for all that he put her through and I know he will have to answer to God.  So, my Jeannette died two years ago.  Two years that I have not had a good nights rest.  Two years filled with sadness and memories of my mija.  Today, is her 40th birthday.  She never got a chance to experience middle age.  She will always be young and beautiful. 

I miss my Nettle Poodle.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIJA, TODAY YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN 40

November 5, 2011.  Jeannette's birthday.  She would have been 40 years of age today.  I woke up thinking about her and crying.  It is very difficult for me today and more so than any other day.  This is a picture of hr family two months before she passed away.  Two years have come and gone since she left.  The boys are in Los Angeles and Loreal is in Fresno now.  Jeannette was a beautiful person inside and out.  She had a heart of gold and most of all, she loved her children so  very much.  Jeannette loved to laugh, go out and have fun all the time.  She enjoyed her days on this earth before she got cancer.  She traveled to places  on this earth that I shall never see.  She met so many people along the way and she treasured her close friends and family.  What a joy was to have her as my baby, my little girl, my teen, my grown up mother of 4.  I miss her more than anyone can imagine.  I say, "Happy Birthday" to my Nettle Poodle.

1984, ME AND MY SIS BRENDA

Wish I could go back in time.  Back to 1984.  Carefree, fun times. Hanging out with my sis, Brenda.  Back in those days our hairstyles were like real teased out and way out there.  I really thought I looked sexy back them and I laugh now looking at the picture.  The leather jacket is Jeannette's.  She was such a good girl and always wanted me to go out and have fun and not be home in bed crying over anything.  That night that we went out was one of the best times I ever had.  Brenda made me laugh cause she had barely started going out and didn't know how to dance that well.  Some guy asked her to dance and I laughed so much cause she was doing exercise routines.  It was as if I was watching a Jane Fonda workout tape.  I told Jeannette and Diana all about it and they laughed so much.  Jeannette was only 13 years old at the time but she knew how to dance real good so she showed Brenda a few steps.  Diana wanted to show Brenda how to do the Centipede and Brenda laughed and said no.  So Diana showed her how to dance the Cabbage Patch.  Brenda caught on real quick on that one.  We all laughed and had so much fun.  Every time Diana gets together with Brenda all they do is laugh about those days. I know if Jeannette was here she would be laughing at this picture of me and her auntie.

I miss my Nettle Poodle.

THIS IS HER BABY, CONNER.

It's Thursday night on November 3, 2011.  I was looking at all the pictures of Jeannette and this picture tears at my heart.  It was her baby.  Conner was only 5 years old when she died.  Now, two years have gone and Conner is 7 years of age.  He is busy with his school work and his home life in Los Angeles.  I wonder if he remembers his mommy.  He was so attached to her and always cried out to her to help him do this or that.  He would even act sick so he could stay home with her.  She adored her Conner.  Every day she would make sure to pack his school lunch and also help him with his homework.  During her final days on earth she asked to see her children.  One by one came into the room.  Conner was the first one.  He immediately asked her when was she coming home.  He got close to her and gave her a kiss on her cheek.  I could see the slight bit of happiness in Jeannette's face.  She was sad and at the same time happy to see her Conner, Mathew, Shane and Loreal.  They stayed for only 15 minutes.  She was in extreme pain and she did not want her children to witness her crying in pain.  She told each one of them that she loved them and that it would not be long before she came home to them.  That was never to come true.  It was the last time they saw their mom alive.  Even right now as I sit writing this post I am crying because it hurts me to know she is gone forever.  Saturday will be her birthday.  How I wish she were still here so we could celebrate her 40th. 

I miss my Nettle Poodle.

ANOTHER MONTH STARTS WITHOUT HER.

November 1, 2011:  Well, another holiday just went by without my Jeannette.  No phone call from her or pictures of the fun she would be having with her children on Halloween night.  No, nothing at all.  It saddens me so much when I remember all the pain she endured and all the tears that she shed.  It was a living nightmare for me.  Someday, I hope to write a book about her.  She was an amazing woman.  A very loving child.  A dedicated sister and a loving mother to her children.  I miss her so much.