IN GRANDMA'S BACK YARD

Here we were in her grandmother's back yard.  She wanted to take a picture with me.  I remember how Jeannette always wanted to be with me.  She would follow me everywhere.  I loved being her mommy. 

I NOW KNOW I WAS BEAUTIFUL WITH MY JEANNETTE INSIDE OF ME

It was 1971.  I was visiting my in-laws.  Pregnant with Jeannette.  I never had the wonderful feeling of having my husband dote on me or give me compliments.  I was told I was fat and ugly and I actually believed it.  Now, as I look at this picture I realize I was beautiful and gorgeous.  My mother-in -law and I had the same bad luck.  A loveless marriage.  How sad is that. 

GOD COMFORTS ME

Jeannette went straight to Heaven when she died.  She was an Angel.  Always loved her whole family.   She loved going to the beach.  Wish I could be sitting with her at the beach on those sand sofas and drinking a cool drink with her.  I just know she would have loved to do that with me. 

I know God loved her even in her darkest time of pain.  She suffered but she is in Glory now.  In Heaven.  God has her with him.  I guess I am selfish because I want to have her here with me.  I miss her more each day. 

During the sermon today in church the pastor spoke of Broken People.  He said we are all broken but God loves us and even during our darkest time, even when everyone gives up on you and you feel all alone and lost, God is there because he never ever gives up on you.  God loves all of us.  During my deepest depression and my suffering over the loss of my beloved Jeannette, God has comforted me. 

I Love My Lord and Savior. 

BIANCA WILL GRADUATE SOON

Her name is Bianca.  She is 18 years of age.  Jeannette's niece.  Such a lovely granddaughter.
She grew up in a single parent home.  When she was born I named her and actually thought that by giving her the middle name of Danielle that her grandfather (Daniel) would appreciate the name and be in her life.  That never happened.   He never knew how sick she got as a baby with asthma.  He never stayed up late at Valley Childrens Hospital with her during numerous trips to get her asthma under control.  He never helped her celebrate her birthdays (except for one) or went to her school assemblies when she recieved her awards.  Never went to her games except one time and made a remark that she was "so fat."  Oh, I forgot that his wife said the same thing. 

In all her 18 years Bianca has never known the love of a her grandfather.  Naturally, she made up for it by being close to her great grandfather, (my dad).  

She will be graduating with honors from Fresno High on June 10, 2013 at 8:00 p.m. at the SaveMart Center in Fresno.  We will all be there to celebrate with her. 

One day her grandfather will call or come running to Bianca and to the rest of his family and ask for forgiveness.   I am so sure of that.  

I believe in God.  Only he knows....... 

BEAUTIFUL PICTURE OF MY NETTLE

Thank you to my friend Karla for finding this picture of Jeannette.  She was beautiful and kind and had a heart of Gold. 

Missing her so much.

I TOOK HER TO SEE MICKEY

Disneyland is where she wanted to go.  She loved Mickey Mouse.  I made sure to take this picture of her and Mickey Mouse.  I wish I could go back in time and experience that joyful time again.  She was so pretty and a good little girl.  Back then she loved McDonald's, chocolate milk, marshmallows, cupcakes, pizza and she loved playing with her brother and sister.  I loved being her Mommy.

I miss my Nettle Poodle.

Happy Mother's Day to my Mija

Look at her big beautiful eyes. Jeannette was a living doll.  I loved being her mom.  We were close and hung out together every weekend during her teen years. 

She became a mommy but never had a chance to become a grandmother.  Breast Cancer took her from her family.  It took her from me.  Life is not the same.  Never will be. 

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.  She will not be here for her children.  They can't give her gifts but what they can do is cherish all the memories she left behind. 

Happy Mother's Day to my mija in Heaven.