I SALUTE TO YOU, MY BELOVED JEANNETTE

Time is supposed to heal all wounds.  Not mine.  I am here today just like I was four years ago in profound grief over the loss of my beloved Jeannette.  Words can't begin to explain the way I am feeling today knowing that just four years ago on this day she was transferred to the hospice room.  Room 615.  I knew the end was near when they put her there.  My baby died in that room.  I was there when her heart stopped beating.  She died at 3:35 p.m. on Sept. 3, 2009.  Such a painful moment in time. 
 

MISSING MY JEANNETTE

When I look at this picture I feel as though she is still alive and at her doctor appointment.  Her life took a turn for the worst when she finally had the mammogram she had been requesting all along at Kaiser Hospital.  They kept telling her she was too young to have one. 

She is missed so much.  She fought her battle with breast cancer with all her might. In her deepest darkest hours she still wanted to look pretty for her children.  When they came to visit her in the hospital she looked pretty to them.  I had helped her put on lipstick and painted her eyebrows on.  Also, put on some powder under her eyes to try and hide the dark circles.  The children were happy to see her. 

POBRESITA MIJA

Mija estaba con demasiado dolor y en medicinas que nunca podian cuitar el dolor por completo. .Pobresita de mija.  Su gato nunca la dejava.  Siempre con ella donde ella estaba.  El pinche cancer del ceno me la quito de mi vida.  Nunca pero Nunca voy a dejar de pensar en ella.  Mija sufrio mucho no nomas con el cancer pero tambien con su pinche esposo que le sacaba los cuernos con una pelada de el Kinder donde los ninos estaban.  El no le importava nada de mija y se picaba las unias para tener su dinero que mija dejo en su seguarza de vida. 

Pobresita mija, era un bonita joven mujer que siempre era carinosa contodos y especialmente conmigo.  La estranio muchisimo.    Mi querida, "Nettle Poodle". 

KARMA

this is what sits on my bedroom dresser 

It was a nightmare.  I lost Jeannette four years ago on Sept. 3, 2009.  During my deepest hours after she passed I found out my ex husband and his wife were busy gathering all Jeannette's personal belongings.  They were proactive and thoughts of all the money her things would bring made them happy.  After all they did, a bag of left over things was given to my granddaughter.  She in turn, called me and told me she was bringing the small bag to my home.  I cried while opening it up.  A beautiful top that you see in this picture and a black headband that Jeannette wore to keep her wig in place is all that was left.   I cherish these items and will never ever let them go. 

 

KARMA WILL GET THEM IN THE END

SHE HATED LEAVING HER CHILDREN

Wednesday morning, birds are chirping, weather is beautiful in Fresno, California.  As I sit here in front of my PC typing away I am looking at the pictures of Jeannette.  She was so beautiful and charming in every sense.  Her love and compassion was like no other.  My mija died of breast cancer after a long hard battle.  She told me she hated leaving her children.  It hurt her to know she would not be there for them as they grew up.  

SAD MEMORY

They say time heals all wounds.  Not for me.  I can still hear my Jeannette crying out in pain.  It's almost 4 years to the day she died.  I was totally grief stricken and at loss on how to deal with my grief.  All I wanted was to be left alone.  I stayed in bed for days and didn't want to wake up.  My deepest darkest hours were so painful.  I lost my beloved Jeannette.   Keeping up with this blog gives me strength to carry on with my life. 

JEANNETTE WAS FULL OF LOVE

At one point in time in September of 2009 and  as I sat alone in my bedroom in deep profound grief while looking at her pictures I had strewn all over the blankets I could not breathe.  It was to a point of just wanting to die.  I wanted to join her and see her again.  Now, almost four years later I cope just by writing about her.  If I had to describe her in one word I would say, "LOVE".  She loved her children, her family and her country.  Above all else, she loved God.  I know she is happy in Heaven.