HAPPY VALENTINES DAY JEANNETTE, MY NETTLE POODLE

  Her Valentines Day blanket to cover her gently as she rested.  The times spent with her were very precious to me. 


Happy Valentines day to my beloved Jeannette who is in Heaven.


Cupcakes were her favorite.  She loved her Valentines cupcakes the best. 


Hot chocolate, cupcakes, comfy throw blankets, mint chocolate ice-cream, snuggling with her children all around her on the couch, kisses from her puppy and two kittens, walking her children to school, shopping until she dropped, talking on the phone with her sister, mother and brother, getting her drink on with her best friends, Tina, Mona, Sarah, Tatiana, and many more, dressing up in latest styles, wearing her pearl earrings, getting pedicure and manicure, eating out and most of all hanging out in Fresno with her mommy. 


Thoughts of her on this 2015  Valentines Day.


Loving her, missing her. 

MY BABY

 Wish it was November 5, 1971.  My beautiful baby was born that day.  Jeannette Eileen was such a blessing in my life.  From the moment I brought her home I knew she was all that I needed to feel loved.  She depended on me for everything and it was a joy to do it all for her.  My baby was the world to me.  If I could go back in time I would not have gone to work so soon and instead I would have been a stay at home mommy to her. 

A GREAT SUNDAY AFTERNOON

Sunday afternoon and feeling good having the whole family around me.  Family is everything to me.  Five of us were in the kitchen this morning cooking up a big breakfast for the whole family.  Everyone pitched in to help.  My granddaughters are amazing young ladies and are always eager to help in any way.  Just a few weeks ago we had all gathered to celebrate Diana's birthday.  Beautiful memories were made. 


This past week attended the funeral of the father of a good friend.  It was held in my hometown of Corcoran.  During the eulogy of her beloved father, Ruben Flores Sr., I couldn't help but shed a few tears for him.  I remember growing up and witnessing what a very good and kind father he was to his children.  One day in particular, my friend Beatrice came to my home asking me if I could go to the lake with her family.  I could see from the screen door a truck load of people, bikes, barbeque equipment and boxes full of food.  Everything to make a great day on a hot afternoon weekend.  I reluctantly asked my father (who was the strictest father in the world at that time) if I could go.  Of coarse he yelled out "NO".  Then my friend pushed passed me at the door and went up to my dad and asked him why.  He said there was plenty of chores to do and that I could not go.  All I remember is seeing my friend and her awesome dad and other family members drive off down the street and to highway 43.  I closed the door and began to cry.  I envied Beatrice for having such a fun dad.  That is what I remember about Mr. Flores.  The people of Corcoran remember him for so many other awesome things and his immediate family remember him as the best dad and granddad ever. 


That is something my own children and grandchildren will never ever say about their dad and grandpa. 

A beautiful poem

 When you go, if you go, and should want to die, there's nothing I'd be saved by more than the time you fell asleep in my arms in a trust so gentle
I let the darkening room drink up the evening till rest, or the new rain lightly roused you awake
I asked if you heard the rain in your dream and half dreaming still you only said, "I love you."   


                                                                                                                  ----- by Edwin Morgan

ANOTHER TOOL TO USE FOR GRIEF

Lately doing part time work interpreting all around Fresno, California.  My assignments take me to all parts of this town that I live in.  My days are not so filled with grief over my precious daughter's untimely death and instead my mind is occupied with vocabulary words, medical terminology, etc.  It is a good thing to use whatever tool is available to help with my grief.  It means I get up extra early, get ready for the days assignments. 


Today, I met with a lady that hurt her back on the job.  She was working in a packing house and her job was to cut the peppers and also to bring back tubs of the peppers from the supply room.  Her immediate supervisor was always breathing down her neck yelling at her to go faster and faster.  One day she slipped on water, waste and foam from cactus that was all over the floors of the warehouse.  Her supervisor had absolutely no compassion and began yelling at her to get up off the floor. She ended up hurting her lower back and leg.  From that day forward her pain has gotten worse and that is why she was at the doctor's office.  I felt so sad for her as I witnessed the extreme pain she was having while sitting in the waiting room.  It reminded me of Jeannette with her pain as she lay in the hospital bed.  Almost brought on tears.   

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIANA LYNN

1969:  My baby girl Diana.  We have had an amazing relationship from the day she was born which was January 25, 1967 to today.


 Today, she celebrates her 48th birthday with all our family.  She was all I had to love me back when she was born.  Her father was in Vietnam and had absolutely no relationship with her from the day she was born to now.  When he came back from Vietnam he stepped off the bus in Tulare, California after being away for a year.  There I was so eager to see him as I held our baby in my arms.  He gave me a pat on the shoulder and didn't even attempt to at least hug me, kiss me and his baby.  That is what I got from Vietnam.  A heartless, loveless, self centered and "mean" man.  I was so young and so eager to please him because I was so in love with him.  It took me 17 years to figure out he not only didn't love me, he also didn't love being a father to his own children. 


Diana grew up knowing she couldn't sit on daddy's lap and hug him and instead hiding under the bed when he arrived from home. No telling how mad he was going to be when he walked into the house. 


Diana had three beautiful children and they too do not have a relationship with their grandpa.  He only lives less than five miles from them. 


On this special day I will be there for my Diana just like I have been all my life.  She will feel the love from all of us. 


Happy Birthday to my awesome first baby.  Diana Lynn Rocha.  May God continue to bless her and keep her safe. 


I KNOW JEANNETTE IS HER ANGEL IN HEAVEN

CELEBRATED MY BIRTHDAY AGAIN WITHOUT HER

Had an amazing and wonderful birthday on January 9th.  It certainly was a day to remember.  My son took me out to a wonderful lunch and as always, we had plenty of laughs.  Came home to a pink birthday cake sitting on the dining table.  It was homemade by my granddaughter, Bianca.  My best friend Annie, baked me a cherry cake too.  Later that night our whole family met at Yoshinos for dinner.  I am truly blessed to have had such fun.  The only thing missing that would totally complete my happiness is Jeannette.  She is missed so very much.