LOREAL BECAME KNOWN AS" LOLO"



Loreal is Jeannette's only girl.   Jeannette love her more than anything and called her LoLo.  I was at work when the call came in.  It was Jeannette calling me to tell me her and Monty were on their way to the hospital.  It was her due date.  A baby girl was about to make her first appearance on this earth.  I ran to my car and headed down the freeway as fast as I could.  When I arrived Jeannette was sitting up on the bed looking so pretty.  She was not in pain but her water  broke so her doctor advised her to go to the hospital.  Monty was there holding Jeannette's hand.  Monty's mom, Debbie was there too.  Hours went by and finally our Loreal was born.  Such a pretty pink little baby girl.  Jeannette and Monty were so very happy.  That is a moment in time I shall never forget.  To see my Jeannette become a mother.  To know later as years went by that she turned out to be an awesome loving mother.  Loreal is truly a blessing.

I love my LoLo with all my heart. 



SHE WAS AMAZING AND WONDERFUL

It is a beautiful Saturday morning here in Fresno.  Have been up since 5:00 a.m.  and almost have all my chores done for the day.   During the week I drag myself out of bed and into shower to get ready for work.  Coffee wakes me up and I am good to go.  On Saturdays and Sundays, I wake up extra early with so much energy realizing that it is my free time to do what I want so maybe that is why I wake up early.  Well, at least I wake up and I am here for my loved ones.  They are my priority.   That is exactly how Jeannette lived her life.  It was all for her children.  She managed to work at the Air Force Base, drive children to school, clean her house and have food on the table.  She also took good care of her dog named Matches and later on her two cats.  Jeannette was amazing and wonderful.  She was always happy and looking for places to go and see and learn.  It was as if she knew she didn't have much time on this earth so she tried to get in as much as possible. 

I miss her so very much. My Nettle Poodle.

HER VOICE IS SO SWEET STILL ON MY PHONE

I think of Jeannette every day.  Today, especially because she never forgot to celebrate Secretary Day with me.  Even our distance did not stop her from sending me cards, phone calls, flowers, etc.  She was so loving towards me.  I am glad that God made her see how much I and my side of the family loved her so much.  She knew she could count on me to be with her and do anything for her.  I wish she was here with me, laughing with me and just talking to me.  I hear her voice mail on my phone everyday.  Her voice is so soft and so soothing to me.  It calms me down on nights like this one. 

I miss my Nettle Poodle.

SHE RUSHED TO GO SHOPPING

On my way out the door and rushing to my destination.  Jeannette is always on my mind.  She was always on the go.  When we would go shopping she was always five steps ahead of me.   It was so difficult during one of the times that I went to visit her during her battle with cancer.  She wanted to go shopping and needed me to drive her because with all the pain medication she was taking she just could not drive anymore.  We went into the mall but this time she was walking very very slow and hunched over.  I felt so sad watching her try to push the shopping cart on her own.  I offered to help her but she kept telling me she was o.k. and that she could manage.  She was looking for things for her boys.  I want her children to never forget what a kind and loving mama they had. 

Missing her so much. 

HER DREAMS SHATTERED BY BREAST CANCER

I remember being at her graduation from high school.  She was so happy and so many goals she wanted to reach.  She reached all the goals she has set back in her graduation night.   All done by the age of 37 when she passed away.  I know she had set some more goals but she never got a chance to reach those.  Breast cancer took her dreams from her.  Dreams of seeing her children grow up.  Dreams of witnessing her daughter's graduation from high school, college, etc.  Dreams of being there for her children during all their life changing times.  All those dreams shattered by breast cancer.  She never got a chance to be a middle aged adult.  Never got a chance to be a grandmother.  My dear Jeannette, I miss her so very much.

FINDING PEACE IN HER MEMORY

It happens to me all the time.  Right in the middle of what I am doing or about to do I think of her and all the pain she had.  It makes me stop whatever I am about to do.  Just like in this picture.  I had just taken a shower.  The music was playing and all of a sudden Jeannette's favorite song by Celine Dion started to play.  I went over to the couch with my towel and layed my head on the it, closed my eyes and thought about my Mijita.  My precious daughter whom I miss so very much.  Sometimes I have to lock the door to my office at work when I get sad and tears start to fall.

I miss her everyday. 

VEGAS OF 2003 WITH ME

The time was right.  It was Valentines Day 2003.  I met her in Vegas.  It was such a thrill to be in Vegas with my mija.  She stayed at the Rio and me at Ballys.  Since she had been there several times before me she made sure to take me to all the popular attractions.  We had so much fun eating at buffet's, shopping and playing slots.  We both ordered a  Margarita and walked around together.  Every time I would win a small jackpot she would scream with excitement.  This memory of us will forever be embedded in my brain.  I will play it back over and over.  Missing my Nettle so much. 

SHE WANTED TO MAKE MEMORIES WITH THEM

As time went on and her days were already numbered she was adamant to make sure things were done.  One thing she told me was that she wanted to take her children to Disneyland.  I told her that maybe she should just rest at home but with all her pain and frail condition, she took Loreal, Mathew, Shane and Conner to Disneyland.  They stayed at the Disneyland hotel.  Nothing but the best for her children. 

My dear daughter was an awesome mother and I hope and pray her children never forget her and all that she did for them. 

MY DAUGHTER, THE ANGEL

Was at work and wishing I was in Los Angeles at my Jeannette's grave site.   I miss her so very much.  Want to take her some flowers.  I plan on doing it soon. 

She is an Angel now and is there comforting her children.  This picture reminds of her and Conner.  He was her baby. 

SHE IS ON MY DESK TOP

Back at work on a Monday morning.  I see my beloved Jeannette on my desktop and immediately feel her love.  Missing her so much and wish somehow she can see how much I suffer at loosing her.  I pray to God for comfort. 

O.K. back to work serving the people of Fresno County for the 35 year.  Got to keep my smile on.  Inside of me is a old woman missing her baby girl. 

GRANDMA AND CHRISTIAN ON EASTER SUNDAY

Easter Sunday spent with my grandchildren.  Christian and I sitting at his table talking about the water gun that his mama's friend Yolanda bought him today.

It feels like not too long ago I had my Jeannette as a little girl just like in this picture.  Such precious memories. 

HAPPY EASTER TO MY JEANNETTE

Missing my Jeannette on this Easter Sunday of 2012.  Missing her pretty face and hearing her voice as she tells me about the easter cupcakes she baked for her children and how much they loved them.  Hearing her say to me, "Ma, wish you were here."  She was the most loving and kind person I have ever known.

Happy Easter Mijita. 

JEANNETTE SAID, "MAMA, PLEASE BE CALM."

Yesterday I had an appointment for an MRI due to back pain.  I have never had such a frightening experience in my life.  The technician had me get into a tunnel looking machine that looked like I was about to go into outer space.  I was told not to move a single muscle for 45 minutes.  They put earplugs in my ears and warned me it about the loud noise.  They handed me a small ball that I could squeeze if I got a panic attack.  As they moved me into position my heart began to race.  I closed my eyes because the inside ceiling of the "Missile" was almost touching my nose.  I felt like I was being buried alive.  It was dark so I closed my eyes.  The noise was as if someone was firing bullets at me very loud.  I heard the technician's voice telling me that the procedure would be in 2.5 minute intervals.  It went on and on.  I began to get anxiety.  My heart was beating faster.  I wanted to press the ball but kept telling myself that if I did, I would never find out what is causing my back pain.   Then around 10 minutes into the procedure I heard Jeannette's voice telling me to be calm.  I calmed down after I thought about all the hell she went through battling the breast cancer.  I remembered how she had more than 10 MRIs.  During one of her MRIs she squeezed the ball and when I asked the technician why he stopped the procedure he said Jeannette could not handle it.  I didn't understand at that time but now being in this missile I knew exactly what she endured.   My poor Jeannette.  She endured so much.  

After the procedure was done I was so happy I actually finished.  When I got into my car I began to cry.  I was so emotional thinking about Jeannette and all that she went through.  I miss her so much.   

I hope I never ever hear the doctor say, "Gloria, let's get you set up for another MRI."

SO SAD TODAY

Lately I find myself in such depression just thinking about my Jeannette.  I wonder why other people can go on about their lives and forget her.  They focus on new relationships and never look back.  Sometimes I sit at my kitchen table just like in this picture and rest my head on the table and play back the times in my head of all the good times I shared with Jeannette.  It has been over two years that she died but I feel as though she died yesterday.  She was not supposed  to die before me.  How did this all happen.  I pray to God for comfort.  Especially today.

1973 AND SHE LOVED HER CLOGS

The year was 1973.  She was three years old and already had a a sense of style.  She loved wearing those orange clogs with socks.  No matter what dress or what outfit she had on she insisted on her clogs.  "Please Mommy," she would say when I would tell her that she was wearing her tennis shoes.  I almost always gave in and let her wear her clogs.  Jeannette was my living doll.  I miss her so much.

I MISS MY MIJITA

I picture myself walking up the steps surrounded by beautiful flowers as I make myself to you mijita.  I miss you so very much.  Life here on earth is so different without you.  I miss our long talks and laughter we shared.  I have cried so much at loosing you but mijita I know I will see you again and that you are not in pain anymore.  To witness your suffering and knowing that nobody could take it away was so emotional for me.  I cry now just remembering how I screamed at the nurses and doctors to give you more pain meds.  God has you with him now and I know you look like an Angel now.  I miss and love you with all my heart my "Mijita."