LEAVING MY OFFICE TODAY

 

 

 

Thanks to God, I have had my job for 34 years.  Thanks to God, I am able to leave it now and Thanks to God, I am healthy and  happy. 

 

Thank You, my dear God for blessing me so much.  Wonderful and amazing friends that truly cared about me.  I will miss going to work and seeing Gloria, Monica, Kathy, Tiffany, Matin, Erica, Melinda, Rita, Mia, Annette, Phyllis, Consuelo, Lesby, Grace, Fletcher, Todd, John, Victoria, Monica, Linda, Alicia, Karen and Amy.  Especially, my Patty.  She is like a daughter to me.   They were my true friends.  

LAST DAY AT WORK TODAY

Monica, Me and Gloria

Today was my last day at work.  What a surprise I got during lunch.  All my friends made sure to send me off with a great potluck and gifts, flowers, balloons, etc. 

My friends, Gloria Ervin and Monica Burris made it possible for me to really enjoy my day.  I appreciate all their time and hard work to make it a special day for me. 

I will cherish this plaque that my friends gave me forever. 

Right now I am home looking around my room full of flowers, gifts. 

God is Great.  He truly blessed me with the most amazing and loving co-workers and for that I am grateful.
 

DOES THIS PIC LOOK LIKE SHE WOULD DIE IN 8 DAYS

Jeannette Eileen Rocha Hanrahan
 

This is the start of the last 8 days of her life in 2009.  She looked sad to me but she kept saying she was o.k. in order not to stress me.  She was in so much pain that at times she was half awake due to the pain medications.  It was during one of those days that her husband demanded to have her sedated.  I was so upset and against it but the doctors told me that Jeannette's husband had all rights to her.  I was in shock .

 

Look at this picture of her.  Does it look to you like she would die exactly 8 days later?  No it does not.  O.k. so there was a devious plan by her paramedic husband in play.  He kept asking the nurse to give her higher pain meds all the time even though she was sedated.  He kept saying that Jeannette was making face like as if frowning and to him it meant she was in pain.  The nurse told me that the higher the pain medication would make her heart collapse and her lungs weak.  I guess that is what he wanted.  He wanted to go on with his life due to having an extramarital affair going on at the time. I remember seeing him on his cell phone saying, "No, mom, not yet."  I guess his mother wanted to know if Jeannette had died already.  Now I know why Jeannette never liked that fat bitch. 

 

I called in sick to work today.  I feel so sad and depressed.  Thinking about my Jeannette and what she went through makes me physically sick to my stomach. 

 

 

 

I BELIEVE IN GOD

I BELIEVE IN GOD.  I BELIEVE HE DIED FOR MY SINS. 

I BELIEVE MY DAUGHTER JEANNETTE IS WITH HIM IN HEAVEN

I BELIEVE I WILL SOMEDAY SEE HER IN HEAVEN

THE TERRIBLE DAYS IN AUGUST OF 2009

Jeannette is always on my mind especially during this month of August.   In 2009 and around this time in August she was in Ventura, California and in the hospital.  She truly believed in her doctors and agreed to their plan of taking her off all drugs except Methadone. 

I have written in my previous blogs posts all about what happened.  I wish I could turn back the clock and back to the day that my beautiful Jeannette was sitting up on her hospital bed and managing to break out a smile to her doctors as they along with the hospice nurse made their way around the room and close to her to tell her of their plans for her.  Wish I could slap each and everyone of them and kick their ass out of the room.  They made the bunch of promises to her that never came true.  She suffered so much.  It was hot as hell in the hospital and the air conditioning was broken so the nurses put extra fans around Jeannette's bed.  It didn't help. 

She was not only in extreme pain but miserable with the heat.  What an awful way to be in the hospital.  What an awful thing to witness my precious daughter in such terrible circumstances. 

I know she is in Heaven now and I believe she is no pain anymore.   She is with God.

I miss my Nettle Poodle.

CAN'T WAIT FOR MY DAY TO COME

Had a good day at work today.  Helped out my co-worker at her desk.  As you can see I had to get my caffeine to keep up with all the work.  I am almost in my final days of work now.   I wish Jeannette could see how happy I am knowing I will finally be able to do what I want.  Some of the things that I want to do is volunteer work maybe at Hospice Care or I might want to do partime interpreting.  I do know that the first year will be fun.  I plan on visiting my Jeannette first and foremost. 

I miss my Nettle Poodle.

THANKS TO GOD

A new day here for me.  I am awake and getting ready for work all because my God had given me another day to spread his love.  I am eager and ready to start a fresh day at work. 

God is Great!!!

ALMOST READY TO LEAVE

Time is flying by.  Everyday is a day closer to leaving this job that I have had for 37 years.  A job that took me to different places within Fresno County.  It all started for me long ago when I was young and eager to learn new skills.  Eager to help out my family financially.  My ex at the time would act like it was not a big deal.  Not me, I was so proud to work and to help out people.  I realized I have compassion for people in need.  It has been a rewarding job. 

When Jeannette was a teen she would come by during her lunch to ask me for money for McDonald's.  I would always make her happy.  She looked so pretty and had all her friends with her.  I could hear her say to them, "My mom never says no to me."

HAPPY DAYS AHEAD FOR ME

Getting so excited nowadays looking forward to my retirement and finally being able to do what I want to do.  Thanks to God, I am still healthy and strong and can actually shop all day and not get tired.  My focus on my life has always been my family but now I need to focus on me, at least for short time.  I plan on going to visit my Jeannette at her grave site and placing some of her favorite flowers.  That is number one on my list of things I want to do. 

I remember Jeannette telling me to retire long ago.  She wanted so much for me to move to Thousand Oaks so she and I could see more of each other.  I wish I could have.   I miss her so much. 

MEMORIES OF MY BELOVED JEANNETTE

Another day without her.  Another day feeling sad knowing I can't call her.  Had several phone calls from family and friends today.  No phone calls from Jeannette.  She will never call me again asking me to come visit her or telling me how she was planning on visiting me. 

She died on a Wednesday afternoon on September 3, 2009.  I will never forget that moment in time.  The second her heart stopped beating.  My whole life has changed.  I never feel totally content.  I never will knowing she is gone. 

Memories are all I have. 

I WISHED FOR MORE TIME

I am glad I was there for my Jeannette.  Time was all she had towards the end.  She couldn't drive and so I took her car keys and drove her everywhere she needed to go.  She suffered so much with excruciating pain that would not let her rest.  I was there for her doing as much as I could. 

I miss my Nettle so much.  It's been a hard day for me today.  I kept crying thinking about her and how much I wish she was here with me. 

Wish I would have had more time with her. 

SHE CAME TO VISIT ME

It's very hot today in Fresno, California.  No time to be out and about in this town.  I chose to stay inside all day today.  During the cleaning of my bedroom I decided to take a break and look at Jeannette's pictures.  I really love this one.  She had traveled all the way from her home in Thousand Oaks, California to see me. 

I am crying right now just wanting her back with me.  I miss her so much. 

MY BELOVED JEANNETTE ON HER FIRST DAY

Look at my beloved Jeannette.  See for yourself how ABSOLUTEY beautiful she was.  Look at her eyes.  Those eyes shed a million tears when she found out she had invasive breast cancer.  SEE her beautiful lips that are smiling?  Those lips opened up and a sweet voice came out.  A voice telling me, "Ma, I am so worried and scared."  SEE her arms folded in front of her.  Those arms were hugging me real tight only moments before I took this picture.  See her ears.  Those ears were wearing her favorite pearl earrings.

This picture was taken on the very first day of her ordeal and battle with breast cancer.  She was in short stay surgery.  The doctor's put a port on her upper left chest area.  She went home after that.  Was in good spirits and kept telling me not to worry and that all would be good.   That she would beat cancer. 

I wish I could go into this picture and hug her real tight.  I miss her more today than yesterday. 

My Beloved Grandmother and brother. RIP

During my lunch time today at work I decided to visit my brother Ron who only lives a few short blocks away from my job site.  As soon as I walked into his living room I spotted this picture.  I immediately got emotional as I remembered the most nicest and beautiful grandmother everyone called, "MiaMa".  She was a golden angel.  I loved her more than anyone back then.  More than my own mother and father.  She was kind, had such love for me and my brother we all called "Dickie Chiquito."  The sun must have been shining right on us because we all look like we are squinting.  I remember my aunt would cut my hair real short and straight.  We are standing in front of my grandmother's cabin.  We all lived in a camping site back then.  We were poor but we had love for each other and shared whatever we had.  MiaMa made the best tortillas and she was the one that showed me how to make them.  My brother was smart and friendly to everyone.  I loved him so much.  

I just wanted to share this pic.

YVONNE IS JUST A PHONE CALL AWAY

Here I was last week in my office standing next to my former co-workers picture.  Her last day of work was June 8, 2012.  Yvonne is certainly missed by me and several other co-workers.  I know she is doing good and that she is happy and that is all that counts.  I wish my Jeannette could have been happy hearing the news that she won her battle with cancer.  It was not to be.  The  cancer overtook her body.  Her heart was still so gentle and kind just like all the years she spent on this earth.  She was loving and always thought before she made comments about anything due to not wanting to hurt anyones feelings.  I miss her more today than yesterday.   It is not possible to talk to her or reach out to her.  She is gone to Heaven. 

As for my friend Yvonne, she is just a phone call away.  Thanks to God. 

NINE GRANDCHILDREN AND HERE ARE BUT THREE

Ashlee, Christian and Bianca live only two stop lights away from me.  I see them every single day.  I call them, they call me.  We have a deep and close relationship.  A relationship that I wish I could have with Mathew, Shane, Conner and Loreal (aka LoLo).
 Somehow and somewhere they have lost contact with me.  They are being told that their grandma does not love them.  I suppose I should just try and not stress myself so much at not seeing them.  I pray that one day they will come see me and their cousins.  We all miss them so very much. 

My other two grandsons are Jacob and Nicholas.  They are my son's children.  I am very  close to them too.  I love all my grandchildren and I pray that one day we can all be reunited. 

THEY GAVE HER FALSE PROMISES

So it's another hot day in Fresno, California.  I am here in my home trying to stay out of the heat.  I have memories of three years ago in August.  I was in the hospital in Ventura, California and at my beloved Jeannette's bedside.  She wanted to hold my hand.  I bent over to kiss her gently on her forehead.  She said to me, "Ma, I am so scared cause I have a feeling I will never be home again."  At that moment in time I reassured her that she would return home and to her babies.  She loved her LoLo and her Mathew and Shane and Conner.  That's all she talked about to me.  Jeannette was determined to win the battle with breast cancer.  She valued and appreciated all that her doctors were doing for her.  In the end they were a great disappointment to me.  The coarse of treatment was unjustified.  They bombarded her with heavy doses of radiation that burned her skin and made her so miserable with pain.  They gave her chemotherapy in high doses and kept her on pain medications that never seemed to take the excruciating pain away.  They made false promises.  I know.  I witnessed it.  I was there in the doctor's office when she told Jeannette that she would float her to heaven and that she would not suffer or be in pain.  That did not happen.  Her demon husband had her sedated and proceeded to count the seconds until her death so he could go on about his devious ways and continue his illicit affair with some skank.  I know that he and all others will pay one day. 

My beloved Jeannette is gone now.  Gone from my arms and her children whom she loved so much. 

She will never be forgotten.  No NOt NEVER!!!

GONNA BE 6 NEXT WEEK

Christian is having a birthday next week.  He is a good little boy.  Jeannette loved him so much.  I sure wish she was here.  He always asks me about his auntie.