MY BEAUTIFUL JEANNETTE

2012 almost gone and 2013 on the way.  I will never forget Jeannette.  No not never.  2013 and many more if God permits.  I shall always and forever have her close to my heart. 

JEANNETTE SAYS DO NOT CRY FOR ME

Jeannette was a picture of beauty.  Everywhere she went she left some of her beauty behind.  I miss her so much and I sure wish I could be celebrating New Years Eve with her.   Diana says she dreamed of Jeannette and that in the dream Jeannette told her to tell me not to cry for her because she was so happy with God in Heaven.  As Diana was telling me about this we were both crying. 

When I think back to 2008/2009 I remember witnessing Jeannette in extreme pain and the profound sadness that I could not help her at all.  Nobody could take the pain away.   My Jeannette is free at last.  Free with God and no more pain. 

MY CHERISHED GIFT FROM ASHLEE

Ashlee calls me Grandmother Willow because just like in the movie, "Pocahantas", the tree had so much wisdom.  Anyway, during the opening of our gifts on Christmas morning I found this heart stopping letter inside a card that she gave me.  I became emotional and crying tears of joy.   This here letter means more to me than the Michael Kors purses, more than any gift that I recieved.  I stood up and hugged her so tight.  She is such a good young lady.  Has a heart of gold just like Jeannette did.  I am proud and blessed to have a beautiful granddaughter that not only goes to school, work but also goes to church.  She loves her family and at times mentions her grandpa whom she has not seen or heard from in years and who happens to live in same town and only few miles away.  What a shame on that man.   

Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013

Today is the last day of December, 2012.  Three years have come and gone since my beloved Jeannette passed away.  It seems like just yesterday that I was driving in the dark freeway from Ventura, California crying my eyes out.  I do not know how I made it home.  It was all a blur.  Jeannette was pronounced dead on September 3, 2009.  I was standing next to her hospital bed in complete shock that I lost my daughter.  I cried so many tears.   I thought about her children not having a mom anymore.  I hurt me so much.  Still does. 

Life goes on and if it wasn't for my family helping me through it all I just do not know what would have become of me. 

I look forward to 2013.  I look back on 2012.  A year of happiness since the birth of my baby girl grandchild named Melanie.  She looks like Jeannette. 

I will continue to love and cherish my family.  My son and daughter, my grandchildren, my dad, sisters, brothers, cousins, etc.  After all, that is what life is all about.  Family!!  Too bad my children's father chooses to be out of their lives and instead drinking and gambling his life away.  Hope 2013 brings him what he deserves. 

Jeannette will not never be forgotten!!!!

 

HAVE TO BE READY

As my birthday draws near I think about this poster I found on Internet.  It makes alot of sense..  I am privileged to have lived so long.  Longer than my dear Jeannette.  She was way too young to die.  I remember crying out to God telling him to please let me take her place.  I know now that God has a plan for all of us.  We have to be ready and ask forgiveness for all our sins so that we can go to Heaven. 

A MESSAGE TO JEANNETTE'S GRANDMOTHER

Mama, we three came together today to visit you at your resting place at the Corcoran Cemetery.   Ron and Brenda and me.  Three years have gone by since you died on Christmas Night.  It was a night I shall never forget.  I just couldn't handle loosing Jeannette and then you only three months later.  By the grace of God, I made it through.

 Mama, you left behind children that love you, grandchildren that adored you, great grandchildren that never got a chance to know you and above all else, you left Daddy, a most loving husband you had for over 63 years.  You were his right hand and you kept up on the house and bills, etc.  Your son, Sam, had to show dad how to pay bills and make out checks.  Your daughter, Brenda took over the household chores.  Believe me mama, she works so hard to clean and also take care of Dad.  She is one child you never thought would step up to the plate but she did and we all appreciate all that she does for Dad.  Mama, Ron is doing good and is having an awesome relationship with God.  He has been blessed in so many many things.

So many things have happened during these past three years since we lost you.   Your precious Spencer is daddy's best friend and keeps him good company.  It is so good to know dad is not alone. 

Mama, please tell Jeannette that she is so missed and that I know one day I will see you and her again. 

Love you so much.  I shall never forget your most famous words.  "Everyone look at Me."  You were so funny and at the same time so much wisdom.  I really miss our daily telephone calls. 

Love You

 

CHRISTMAS, THREE YEARS LATER

Christmas Morning here in Fresno, California.  Memories of long ago forever embedded in my mind.  I can still see Jeannette holding Loreal just like in this painting.  She loved her children with all her heart.  Each child had a special time with her.  Loreal, Mathew, Shane and Conner. 

She was amazing and beautiful and had the most loving heart.  The children are getting older now.  Loreal, Mathew, Shane and Conner.  I love all of them with all my heart.  I pray they will never forget their mom.   She is their Guardian Angel now. 

I am off to our family Reunion in Corcoran.  Today is the day my mother died  three years ago.  She left this world and joined Jeannette three months after Jeannette died.   I miss both of them. 



 

RAINING HERE AND MEMORIES OF HER

Raining here in Fresno, California today.  My house is warm and comfortable and I have music playing as I walk around picking things up and cleaning my home.

I was remembering Christmas of 2008.

Jeannette came that year to Fresno.  She was on pain medicines, etc. but managed to gather enough strength to drive down from Thousand Oaks, California.  The weather was cold and so she had on her sweater, scarf and coat when she arrived.  I noticed a slight cough and asked her about it.  She seemed to ignore my question and just kept on talking about how much fun she wanted to have with me.  Pobresita mija, she always wanted for me not to stress about her.  "Ma, come on let's go see Diana, "she said with a kinda rough sounding voice.  We all hanged out together and went to the movies and then after out to dinner.  This memory is with me always.  I wish I could have her back with me and that she had won her battle with cancer. 

I MISS MY NETTLE POODLE

I have been through the worst storm of my life.  Loosing Jeannette was and still is so painful.  I have asked God why.  As I go through these last days of 2012 I wonder to myself what 2013 has in store for me.  Only God knows. 

It is a nice chilly morning here in Fresno, California.  I woke up to find the little gingerbread house sitting on top of my coffee table.  My grandson made it for me and delivered it to me yesterday.  He also made me a paper reindeer.  So cute.  I cherish this more than any other gifts I will receive for Christmas.   I went shopping yesterday for my brand new baby granddaughter's Christmas gift.  Walked into the Carters store in River park shopping mall and the cute dresses with little sweaters caught my eye.  Jeannette would have been so excited and probably would have yelled out to me, "Look Ma, this is so darn cute."  She loved shopping and especially at Christmas time.  Gosh, I wish she was here right now with me.  It really breaks my heart.  Got to end this post for now.  Too much crying to handle.  Sorry!

SHE LOVED CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

 

 

 

She would have been out and about experiencing this holiday season.  Excited about Christmas.  I imagine just like this picture.  She was always a sharp dresser and had so many clothes, shoes and handbags.  Always the lastest styles.  Such a beautiful young mother of four.  A heart of gold.  Yes, it would be a joyous fun time for me just knowing she was healthy and happy. 

Three years ago she left this earth.  Only three months before Christmas. 

 

 

 

 

IT HAPPENED ALL AT ONCE

It happened all at once for me on Mothers Day of 2008.  She arrived in Fresno looking like a million bucks.  Stunning and Beautiful.  Yes, it was my Jeannette and she was eager to spend time with me, her mom and that special day.  We all packed into her SUV and headed to Valentines restaurant to eat a big breakfast.  It was the whole family which included Diana, Daniel, Ashlee, Bianca, Christian, Jacob, Maria and Nicholas. 

She received a disturbing phone call right in the middle of her meal.  It was her co-worker.  She informed Jeannette that her boss had died.  Needless to say, Jeannette was upset and I tried to calm her down.  We went outside and I talked to her and told her to focus on all the good times she shared with her boss and that he was in Heaven.  She calmed down a bit and we went inside to finish our meal.  She didn't eat much after that.

It was in the parking lot when she told her sister Diana, that I wanted her to see a doctor as soon as possible due to a lump on her upper right side of her chest.  Diana felt the lump and she said, "Yes, Jeannette, go see a doctor fast."  We didn't want to scare her anymore so we all got back into the car and headed to Diana's house.  We hanged out watching movies, laughing and just enjoying each other's company.  Then Jeannette headed back home.  Before she left she hugged me especially tight and promised me she would see a different doctor because she had already gone to Kaiser and the doctors there told her it was a pectoral muscle inflamed and that she was too young for a mammogram. 

Next day is when all hell broke loose.  Everything happened all at once. 

I am actually surprised I haven't had a heart attack from all this.  Loosing my daughter is the most devastating thing that could have ever happened to me. 

THE SONGS, THOSE SONGS, REMIND ME OF HER

Everyday, Anytime of the day, I think of my beautiful daughter that I miss so very much.  I listen to songs on the radio as I travel down the streets of Fresno, California and each time there it is.  I remember something she did, something she said, that reminds me of her in each song I listen to.  Before long I have tears flowing down my cheeks.  As I wipe them away, my granddaughter who is with me turns to me and tells me, "Grandma, you must be thinking of Auntie again, huh."  She knows as well as the rest of my family that I have suffered the most profound loss of all, the loss of my daughter. 

JEANNETTE'S NIECE TURNS 18

Bianca and Ashlee 2012

Bianca will be 18 years of age on Saturday.  On that day, she will be in the Annual Christmas Parade in Fresno, California.  She is a cheerleader at Fresno High School.  After the parade we are having a big surprise party for her.  I am very proud of Bianca.  She not only is beautiful but also smart and has already been applying to colleges.  She is a senior. 

How sad to know her low life grandfather does not care about his own family.  He will die one day a bitter old man with no family at his side. 
 

MY BROTHER AND HIS WIFE

It was 1969.  We were in Santa Cruz, California and at the Boardwalk.  My brother and his wife had accompanied us on the trip.  The baby girl is Diana.  She was my only baby at the time.  I remember having fun and laughing most of the day.  My brother, Dickie died only a year later in a drowning accident at Bass Lake in California.  My sister-in-law, Louise died a few years ago.  They had one son named Richard.  I bet if they were alive today they would be extremely proud of him.  He is a Kings County Supervisor.  I know I am. 

MISSING MY JEANNETTE

Today is December 5, 2012.  The start of a beautiful day here in Fresno, California.  I am currently drinking a good cup of coffee and sitting in front of my PC with my PJ's on and also warming up wearing Jeannette's pink robe that I was fortunate to receive from her before she died.  I feel as though she is hugging me right now. 

I miss her so much.  Wish she were here so I could tell her all that has happened in my life during the three years she has been gone.  I would tell her that yesterday I saw a disgusting sight.  It was her father and his obese wife walking around  looking miserable with each other.  That is what they deserve. 

I enjoyed my day with my dad yesterday.  I love my family. 

I PRAY FOR ALL THE MOTHERS IN 2013 THAT WILL LOOSE THEIR DAUGHTERS TO BREAST CANCER

It is December 1, 2012.  Another new month that starts without my Jeannette. 

December was one of Jeannette's favorite months of the year.  She made sure to decorate her home with all the Christmas trimmings.  The aroma of her beautiful red candles filled the whole house and it made the festivities so much more enjoyable.  Her home was filled with love for her children.  Loreal, Mathew, Shane and Conner.  They knew that their mom would make their Christmas wishes somehow someway come true. 

I remember one Christmas in particular.  She came down from her home in Thousand Oaks in 2006 with a car full of gifts for all of us.  Jeannette was just like that, real generous and eager to bestow love on me and her sister, brother, nieces and nephews.  Diana's youngest who at the time was only 4 months old was given numerous presents.  We all went out to eat and later to the movies.  She hugged us all and then left back to her home and her family.

Today is the beginning of another Christmas season.  A season that has never been the same for me since the day she died.  I pray for all the mothers that will loose their daughters to breast cancer in 2013.  It is the most profound loss that any mother can have.  I deal with my loss everyday.  It is a struggle for me but I know she is free from pain and in Heaven.  That is what sustains me.