THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE

Hot Sunday afternoon here in Fresno, California.  Have the fan right in front of my face blowing my hair all over the place.  Feels good.  I am in a happy mood.  Have my granddaughter here and we just finished eating brunch.  She ate her healthy food and I made me chorizo and egg with hot tortilla and salsa.  I hardly ever eat that but today just felt like it.  Now, I am getting ready to go to a friend's house and spend rest of day there.  Wish things were different and that I had Jeannette here visiting me.  She would have eaten the same food I ate.  We were so much alike.   I tell it like it is on my blog.  No need to lie about anything because the truth will eventually come out one way or another.  Some people hate hearing the truth and choose to live a life full of lies.  I don't.  Jeannette loved that about me. 

Wish my sister Brenda would come visit me so we could hang out and go down Diana's and laugh all day.  I love my sister.  Maybe, next week I will go down to Corco and wisk her out of that room she is in.  I do not care if she says, "Goya, wait, Nascar is on."   No, no, no.  No Nascar waiting for me.  I will pull her up from her bed and drag her out in her sweats.  LOL.   I love her. 

Tony Stewart can wait..........  

JEANNETTE WAS AMAZING AND BRAVE

Today is one of the hottest days and my AC broke down last night.  It will not get fixed until Monday.  What to do.  Panic, cry and be mad, frustrated, etc.  NO, I choose not to.  I choose to be happy and deal with it.  Nothing can get to me anymore.  Ever since I lost Jeannette.  Loosing her is the most devastating thing that could ever happen.  My days were full of sadness and grief back in 2009.  Now, in 2013,  this blog has helped me so much.  Just remembering all the things about Jeannette and posting gives me comfort.  As I sit here right now with three fans blowing on my face, I remember the times back in the day when I could not pay my PGE and it was turned off.  Jeannette must have been around 12 years old.  It was winter time.  She brought home candles and covered me with blankets on the couch as I lay there in despair.  She always seemed to handle the most unfortunate situations in my life.  I miss her so much especially today.  I know she would be making cold drinks and probably would have stopped at the local 99cent store and bought a small plastic pool to put the kids in while we chatted.  Jeannette was amazing and brave.  During her last days she fought with all her might.  The hospital AC was not working and I made sure to have the nurse put fans all around her.  I cooled her down with fresh cool towels.  She needed me to do the things she did for me when she was just a little girl. 

THANKS TO GOD FOR PATTY

It was March of 2010.  Exactly 6 months after Jeannette died that I was unexpectantly  transferred to another address within our department for Fresno County.  I was depressed, sad, miserable, lonely, etc.  I was upset and mad at so many things.  Most of all I self medicated by eating and it really showed.  I gained several pounds within that time frame.

I entered my new office located in an old building that was formerly known as Valley Children's Hospital.  The office was located deep within the crevices of the long hallways.  It was difficult to even find the damn door to the office.  I kept asking and asking and everybody kept saying, "down the hall."  Anyway, I finally made it into the room.  It was small with hundreds of files and paperwork ready for me to tackle.  I knew I could do it and I did eventually. 

I walked out of my office and wandered around looking to see who was my neighbor.  Low and behold, right next door was a beautiful young woman named Patty.  She and I hit it off right away.  As time went on, we had so many laughs and became fast friends.  She reminded me of Jeannette.  Her attitude about life and love of family meant so much to me.  It was as if Jeannette was with me. 

Thank You  Patty for being my friend and helping me during my deepest depression.  You are an awesome mother to your children. 

I am retired now but we still manage to chit chat a bit and hopefully soon hang out again. 


Thanks to God for bringing me Patty to lean on. 

JEALOUS HATERS

I realized long ago when I started this blog that there would be a lot of haters out there.  People that have no life unless they snoop and read what I write.  They hate the fact that I have never given up on Jeannette like they have.  Some of them, and they know who they are, have given up or sold off Jeannette's things for profit.  Two of them that live in Fresno had a big major yard sale and sold off all my beloved Jeannette's things.  What they couldn't sell, they gave to my granddaughter, who in turn gave to me.  That was in 2009.  They are miserable people that do not believe in God.  The haters that live in Los Angeles are probably finishing up spending all of Jeannette's fortune.  By now, the relationships formed under my daughter's nose are simmering down and I have no doubt that soon it will be history.  The folks that said they were Jeannette's friend but never showed compassion during her battle with breast cancer will have to live facing the fact that they lost several opportunities to change up before she died. 

I am very happy to report to the "Haters" that I look and feel better than ever.  That I am serving a living God.  That I have a very loving family and friends that encourage me to keep on writing about my beloved Jeannette. 

JEANNETTE WOULD BE PROUD

Thank You God for giving me the most awesome granddaughters. They are smart and have so much love in their heart just like Jeannette did.  They love their "Great" Grandpa so much.  More than anything, they loved hanging out with him in Moro Bay, California.   The whole day was spent showering him with  attention and love.  They realize  that is the only grandpa they have.  The grandpa they do have abandoned them long long ago.  He lives in same town but has no connection with them.  How sad it that..........

LET US PRAY FOR HIS SOUL...............

SHE ASKED ME TO MAKE HER TORTILLAS

I started making tortillas when I was twelve years of age.  My grandmother taught me and with a lot of patience.  It was hard at first but in time I made them round and appetizing.  Jeannette loved them.  During her good days in 2008, she called asking me to come makes some for her.  I did.  She loved them.  I did anything in my power to make her happy. 

Gosh, I just realized I have not made any since she died almost 4 years ago.  I tend to buy them.  I think I will make some tomorrow to see if I still have the magic touch. 

She loved my pancakes too. 

NEVER GIVE UP ON GOD

So true.  I will never give up on God.  He comforts me especially when it hits me.  Sometimes, some days, I feel so damn sad.  Loosing my Jeannette has changed me forever.   I miss her so much. 

LIFE GOES ON..........

 

PRAISE GOD

At times during my deep grieving periods I thought  what was the use of going on with my life.  I lost Jeannette.  My beloved Jeannette. 

God had something for me that would take almost four years.  It is so unbelievable how happy I currently am. 

PRAISE GOD!!!

SHE LOOKED SAD

Every time I look at this picture it brings back such sad memory of Jeannette in hospital and all the pain she endured.  She looked at me with her sad eyes.  There was no giving up for her.  She fought the breast cancer with all her might.

She asked me if her wig looked crooked before she took this picture.  I told her no.  She still had to look in a mirror to confirm.  Jeannette was always into keeping herself smartly dressed with her make-up on and she never left the house without looking so beautiful. 

I am crying just looking at her face again.  I am a mother of a daughter that lost her battle.  A mother that never stops thinking of her.  I miss her more today than yesterday. 

I HAVE GIFTS FROM GOD. MY FAMILY

Jeannette had a hard battle going on with breast cancer.  She was the most compliant patient to all those doctors that were in charge of her care.  One thing for sure is that no matter what she was doing or going, she made sure to call me to tell me she loved me.  Sometimes she was able to talk for more than 20 minutes before she couldn't due to her pain.  Pain was with her day and night.  Every second of everyday the pain was there.  No medication could take it away.  The strongest medication would make her fall asleep for about a good hour but then the pain would wake her up.  She tried everything she could to stop the pain.  Even listening to calming tapes, breathing exercises, etc.  Nothing, absolutely nothing could take that damn pain away.  It got worse during her last visit to the hospital.  The cancer had spread into her birthing canal and she started experiencing labor pains.  The came every five minutes.  She screamed out "HELP" and not one person on this earth could take the pain away.  I stood next to her and cried out to God to please help her.  I cried and she cried.  We both cried together.  Then in an instant the pain let go.  I held her and ran my hand across her face to wipe her tears.  I got a cool washcloth and wiped her whole face and put the cloth on her head.  It helped her.  She said to me, "Mama, I am gonna miss you so much when I go to Heaven."  I told her she was not going to die.  That she was gonna win her battle. 

I was wrong.  She lost her battle on September 3, 2009.  Her heart stopped beating.  Her prettiness, her laughter, her awesomeness, her love, her big beautiful brown eyes.  They are all gone.  Gone to heaven and far away from me.  My heart is broken.  I am lost without her. 

Life goes on.  Have to give time to the rest of my family.  They are gifts from God.  Just like my Jeannette. 

AT GIANTS GAME.

So my PC was broken for the latter part of May.  Now up and running.  June 5, 2013 already.  Time flying by.  Had a great time last week going to San Francisco with the family.  Here we are pictured watching the Giant's game.  They won!!!  Thanks to my mijo.  hahahaha.  

SAD SAD PIC

How sad is this picture of the little girl.  Makes me appreciate my life and all the blessings I have received from God.  I am thankful to have been Jeannette's mother.  I love her more today than yesterday.  She never had to suffer not knowing me.  I gave her all that I could.