PUPPY AND JESUS

This cute little puppy is Pomeranian/husky.  I found his pic on the Internet.  It brought a smile to me.  The cute little eyes are so endearing.  Wish I could hold it.  I am sure Jeannette would have loved him too.  I bet she would have searched to find it.  She so loved animals. 

Jesus-

The very name at which every knee will one day bow.  The very name that every tongue will one day confess.
A name that has no parallel in my vocabulary or yours.  A name I whispered into the ears of my infant daughter as I rocked her and sang lullabies of His love.  A name by which I've made every single prayerful petition of my life.


A name that has meant my absolute salvation, not only from eternal destruction but from myself.

God is Great!!!!

Well, it has been a while since the last time I wrote on the blog.  I have been sick and not able to gather up enough energy to write.  Today and thanks to God, I am feeling great.  I caught a virus from my 7 year old grandson.  I drive him and his sister to school every morning and I think I caught it from him the day he got sick.  Anyway, I am feeling better. 


During the days that I was laying in my bed covered up with heavy blankets due to chills, I glanced over at my dresser and there she was.  In a frame of silver.  She smiled at me with that gorgeous smile of hers.  As if to say, "Ma, everything is going to be alright."  Yes, it's a picture of Jeannette. 


My bones ached so bad that I actually got emotional and cried.  Thoughts and memories came back to me of Jeannette crying in the hospital bed and telling me her bones were aching. She had horrific pain and unlike no other.  My days spent in bed this past week confirmed my decisions in my life.  Yes, I love my family.  My passion is my family.  They were all concerned about me.  Phones calls, food, cards, etc.  They all came and showed me how much they love me.  That is all I needed to get better and better. No materialistic things could have done that for me.  No brand new things could have done that for me.  NO,  nothing but love from family. 


I am now up and around.  Cooking, cleaning and full of energy.  That is something that was denied to my Jeannette.  She never got a chance to get up off the hospital bed and walk out of the hospital and return home to her children that she adored.  No, she died.  On September 3, 2009.  My beloved Jeannette went to heaven that day.  I will never ever get over it.  Missing her more today than yesterday..

MA, CAN WE GO TO "JACK IN THE BOX"

Today, as I sit here in this room of mine that is decorated all in pink (Jeannette's fav.), I think of her.


I remember years ago when she was just 15 years of age.


She had so many friends and right before Valentine's Day, they all went to Fashion Fair to shop.  About four hours later I received a phone call from Jeannette telling me that they needed a ride home because they all had spent all the money and that nobody had change for the bus.  So, I stopped what I was doing at the time and headed out to the mall to pick them up.  I drove each one of her friends home.  Finally, as I headed back home with Jeannette in the passenger side she said to me, "Ma, you are amazing and so nice to have done this for all of us."  I smiled.  Then about a minute later she said, "Ma, can we go to "Jack in the Box."  I laughed.  I just loved my teenage girl.  We went through the drive-thru and she got her Jumbo Jack, fries and milkshake.  I made her happy. 


My Nettle Poodle.

"JEANNETTE"

She used to live in Thousand Oaks, California.  Drove her new hunter green SUV all over.  Taking and bringing her four children to school was one of her fondest things to do during her days.  She lived in a beautiful home that she helped to buy with her hard earned money that she received working in the Air National Guard.  She wore her uniform proud especially when she went to Afghanistan or to other countries in the world.


She woke up each day bright and cheerful, as that was her personality.  Her kind and passionate ways were acknowledged by so very many people.  Even the dogs and cats at the local SPCA shelter wanted more than anything to live in her home.  She loved her animals especially cats. 


Her life was full and positive because of her.  She made up her mind to see good in everything.  A positive mind is what she was about.  Never one to think negative when a crisis would arise.  She was calm, cool and collected and everything that seemed to others a mess would somehow, become normal because of her. 


In 1999, I called her telling her of an issue I had at hand.  She calmly said to me, "Ma, don't worry, I will be down to Fresno tomorrow morning and help you."  She finished the phone call saying, "Ma, calm down, I love you o.k."   I hung up the phone so relieved and felt as if a big monkey had just fallen off my back.  She made that happen.  That is the kind of daughter I had. 


Everyday, every month, every year until 2008 there was no need to worry about Jeannette.  She was living a wonderful life.  My days at work were good and I always clocked out at 5:00 p.m. and headed straight home.  Turned on t.v. and would start making dinner.  My life was normal.  Except one day all my carefree days turned into a living nightmare.  It was Mother's Day 2008.  She came by herself to visit me.  I shall never ever forget the first night she stayed with me.  As I was about to call it a night she asked me to touch a lump she had on her upper right chest area.  Before I walked over to touch it she said the doctors at Kaiser said it was a pectoral muscle and that she was too young for a mammogram.  She was on muscle relaxers. 


I touched that lump.  The lump gave me goose bumps all over my body.  It was hard.  Something inside me wanted to cry and scream and call 911.  My emotions were held back because I didn't want her to be alarmed and panic.  I calmly told her to please get a second opinion ASAP.  She asked why.  I told her (calmly) "Mija, just do it, please."  She listened.  She slept.  I didn't. 


That was the start of the most tragic part of her life.  A total Horror Story. 


I miss her so much.  My life has never been the same. 

SHE HANDED ME A NOTE

February 4, 2014


Dreaming of Jeannette telling me she loved me.  What a sweet dream.  She looked so beautiful and healthy when she handed me a little note that said "I Love YOU."  


Jeannette was loving and kind and wonderful.  She didn't deserve to die.  So young, my baby girl, I miss her so much.