A PAINTING REMINDS ME OF HER

 This painting reminds me of Jeannette before she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was so beautiful.  Big brown eyes, black thick hair and full lips.  Jeannette dressed sharp and always wore her pearl earrings.  My baby was charming, loving and compassionate in all that she did.  It was easy for people to take a liking to her.  Jeannette had a welcoming attitude her whole life.  Even in her toughest times and in pain, she welcomed her friends to spend time at her home. 


Jeannette was amazing as a young mother of four children.  Three boys and one girl.  Her life was dedicated to them.  They were her priority and she spent hours during her last months organizing their things so that after she left to Heaven that they would find things easily.  Like birth certificates, school supplies, etc.  She was in pain but managed to get it all done in time.  I am proud of the mother she was. 


One day in July of 2009, I had to leave her bedside due to my mother having open heart surgery in Visalia, California.  I hated leaving her but she understood and told me to give her grandmother a hug.  Right after Jeannette died, my mother died too.  She died three months after Jeannette.  It was so painful for me to lose my daughter and then my mother. 


Five years have come and gone.  Time has helped me with the grieving process however, I will say this, there are times that I just break down and cry over and over.  But, I get over the crying and go on taking care of the rest of my family.  My son, daughter, father and grandchildren.  I love them with all my heart.  I try not to dwell on the fact that my ex has no communication with them and only lives less than five miles away.  He is getting old and almost in his 70s  and I know one day he will regret all the hurt and pain he has caused my family.  That day might be his last. 

JEANNETTE'S GRANDPA

 This is my dad doing what he loved.  Preaching in honor of "Pastor Day" at his church.  He is retired now but preached to honor the new preacher.  It was wonderful being there sitting in the humble church located in Corcoran, California.  Hearing my dad preach so articulate in English and Spanish.  He used his bilingual skills due to some of the young people in church do not understand Spanish. 


While in church yesterday, I thought about Jeannette and remembered the last time she was in church.  It was 2008.  She stood in front alter surrounded by all the congregation.  They prayed such heartfelt prayers to God for her healing.  My mother was praying and crying for her.  I stood next to Jeannette with my arms around her.  After the praying was done she told me that she felt all the love from each and every member of the church.  Later that night on the way home we stopped in Hanford, California and had a big burger, fries and coke.  She was in a positive mood.  It was a happy time for both of us. 


Jeannette had a great relationship with her grandparents.  Her grandmother died only three months after she died.  Her grandpa is alone now as well as I.  I miss my Jeannette and my mommy. 

MY LITTLE GIRL

Thoughts of Jeannette playing with her new Christmas gifts that Santa had brought her.  She loved the little ironing board and would iron her little doll's clothes for hours.  Her little doll was always with her.


 Wish I would have kept the toys but I remember selling them at a yard sale when she was older and was not interested in dolls anymore.


 She loved reading books and playing with her older brother.  Racing their bikes each day down the bike path that was in back of our house.  They both would walk into the house and run into the kitchen and to the Fridge.  Searching for drinks and yummy food that I had prepared for them in anticipation of their return from hours of playing and riding their bikes.  Sometimes, they would ask for a pizza.  Of coarse I said o.k.  

SUNDAY MORNINGS WITH MY LITTLE GIRL

   Long ago and many many years ago, I was a young mother of three. Sunday mornings were my favorite.  Relaxing, drinking coffee, reading the paper and most importantly available for any of my children who just wanted to snuggle with me.  Jeannette was always up early and would make a beeline straight to my bed and into my arms.  Those times were the best.  I would tell her little stories that I would make up as I went along.  She loved them and really believed the stories about dogs and kitty cats that could talk, etc. 

JEANNETTE WAS WELL ORGANIZED

 Leaves begin to fall once again as the season is about to change.  Time to get out my winter clothes and hang them up to be ready for the cold weather. Everything has a time including clothes.  Now, my summer shorts, tops, bathing suits are about to disappear into big plastic bags. Oh, and all those sandals and flip flops too.


 It saddens me to know my dear Jeannette is not at her home preparing for the fall weather with her children in mind.  She was organized and kept her house neat and tidy.  I guess she got that from me.  She remembered being a little girl growing up in Fresno.


 When she was a toddler we lived on a street called "Normal" and then after that we moved to a street called "Emerson" and at last we moved to a street called "McKenzie" in Fresno.  In all three homes I had everything organized and tidy.  I had to because afterall, I did have three young children.  I sure loved being a mommy to them.


One cold winter day in 1972 our PGE power went out during our dinner time.  The children were seated at the table eating an enchilada casserole and salad when all of a sudden the lights went off.  Jeannette was still a baby sitting on her highchair and immediately started crying.  I reached over to small table next to me and opened the top drawer to get out the flashlight that I had placed there for such an emergency.  Then I opened the second drawer and pulled out big fat candles and placed them on the table and we all had light.  My precious baby Jeannette stopped crying and began tossing her enchilada bits from her plate.  I was happy.  Best of all, I really felt so smart to have prepared for an emergency such as what happened that day..


All three children realized that it is in the best interest of all the family to be well organized.   

HER BASKET WAS FULL

Already October 7, 2014.  The days are going by faster the older I become.  Yesterday, I was at the Fresno Fashion Mall shopping and sort of lost my energy so I sat down on a bench and rested for awhile.  I noticed so many young woman walking with their children and thought about Jeannette.  It's just not fair that she is gone and is not out and about with her children.


 She absolutely loved shopping.  During her last months on this earth she would wake up in the morning and say, "Ma, get ready, let's go shopping."  It certainly makes me smile when I think of her laughing with me and for quick moments forgetting she was dying. 


At the entrance to the stores she would try and reach for a basket but her energy level was very low so I would get in front of her and pull out the basket for her.  She wanted me to get one for myself.  She would say, "Ma, get anything you want."  Pobresita mija, she loved me with all her heart.  Of coarse I didn't put anything in the basket but instead followed her around the store without her knowing.


 She stopped in the children's section and browsed at the winter gear and put several items in her basket  then she would move on down to the teen section and search to add to Loreal's wardrobe.  She turned around and spotted me looking at her.  First thing she said was, "Ma, you haven't found anything for you."  I smiled at her and didn't say a word.  She was lost in her "Loreal World."  Just trying to find something cute for her LoLo.  She asked me about a bright green polka dotted top for Loreal.  I said, "No, mija, LoLo doesn't like polka dots."  She put the top back on the rack and pushed her basket to the candle section.  By that time she was exhausted and said to me, "Ma, can you take me to the car and come back and pay."  I said yes and at the same time my eyes got watery just looking at her.  She looked like a 90 year old lady all hunched over and walking so slow.  I really wanted to cry but knew if I did it would make her feel sad so I didn't. 


On the way home she turned on the radio.  Music was blaring and Jeannette was singing as loud as she could.  Breast cancer was not going to ruin her day.  Afterall, she had six shopping bags full of things for her children.  She knew she would put a smile on their faces. 


Gosh, all this memory of her made me cry right now.