THANK YOU GOD FOR MY DAUGHTER

 I know Jeannette would have loved these cupcakes. 


Her very last Thanksgiving was in 2008.  At her request, we all gathered at her father's home for a Thanksgiving Day celebration.  As difficult and awkward as it was, I managed to be there only for her.  There was absolutely nothing that could keep me away from her. 


As I entered her father's home I immediately noticed my cabinet hutch that I had owned back in 1974.  It was pecan and elegant in any imagination.  He stole that cabinet from me but I put that negative feeling far away from my mind.  Afterall, it was Jeannette's day, her very last Thanksgiving Day and there was nothing or anyone that was going to ruin it for her. 


She sat down at the dinner table right next to me.  I watched her try to eat a little of the turkey and mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce.  Yes, she did try.  All her babies were seated at the table with her along with her sister, brother, nieces and nephews.  It was absolutely breath taking seeing her happy.  Totally happy.  I so wanted that for her on that day.


Now, 5 years later and the day before Thanksgiving, I think of her and feel thankful to God for giving me a wonderful, beautiful daughter to love even if it was for a short while. 


I am thankful for all my family.  For my Angels in Heaven.  Jeannette and my mom. 

MY HERO

  Jeannette loved her pearl necklace and earrings.  She loved simple but elegant jewelry.  Her beauty did not need much else to make her a shining light wherever she went.  Her presence was immediately recognized as soon as she opened the door.  What a stunning, beautiful daughter I had.  So proud of her and all her accomplishments in her young short life on earth.  My Hero forever.

HER FOCUS WAS HER CHILDREN

  It's raining this morning here in Fresno, California.  I already have had two cups of strong coffee to get me through the day.   Every morning I take my 8 year old grandson to school.  We have had such great conversations while in the car on the way.  He is a smart, amazingly curious little boy.  He is gentle and kind and loves me so much.  That is such a great feeling.  To have my children and grandchildren love me.  I could not ever wake up and not hear from them.  I could never go about my day acting like they don't exist and instead focusing on materialistic things in life.  The father of my children is that way.  He only lives five miles away from his daughter but has never been involved in her life.  I told my daughter that if she were to win the big lottery that her father would find a way to get to her.  His only mission in life has been money and whatever scam he has to invent to get it. 


Jeannette was nothing like him.  She had a heart of gold.  Such a loving and kind daughter that focused all her energy on her four children. 

Jeannette was a little girl in 1976

I wake up in the mornings happy to be alive and start another day that God has given me to spend with family.  My grandson came into my bedroom and asked me to tell him a story.  I asked him if he wanted to hear a funny one.  He said he wanted to hear one about his auntie Jeannette.  I have always had a way with making up stories in my head as I go along and my own children had the pleasure of hearing them too. 


It was a cold winter morning back in 1976 as I lay on my bed thinking about what to make for breakfast when Jeannette came and jumped on my big comfy bed.  She pulled my arm back so she could snuggle close to me and then asked me to tell her a story.  So, I proceeded to tell her one when her brother came into the room and immediately snuggled onto me on the other side of the bed.  He had overheard Jeannette ask me for a story so he wanted in on that too. They were 5 and 6 years of age.  Their older sister was 9 years of age and was busy taking advantage of the fact that her brother and sister were in my room so she quietly was in the kitchen eating her Captain Crunch cereal with nobody to bother her. 


I made potatoes, bacon and eggs and homemade fresh tortillas for the three of them.  Then off they went, my precious young children to make their beds and small chores around the house.  Later that day, they went outside to play.  My son got on his big wheels and off he went.  My oldest got on her bike and off she went.  Jeannette put on her orange clogs and pushed her doll and stroller down the sidewalk.  She looked adorable.  I actually found a picture of her with those orange clogs at her own birthday celebration.  She loved wearing clogs and later on wearing boots.  From an early age, she loved shoes.   Wish I could have kept those clogs. 

IT WAS HER TIME

I did things on the spur of the moment back in my younger years.  I would not have an agenda or plans.  Whatever the day brought me was o.k. with me.  Sometimes, I would get a phone call from a friend asking me to go with her to the beach.  I would pull out my suitcases from the top shelf of my big closet and start packing and yelling at the children to start packing too.  Everyday for me was not planned.  I never thought about time.  Time didn't really mean anything important to me.  As long as I had my children and was having a fun time with them was all that I needed back then. 


Dreading Monday mornings all of the time.  Getting up rushing into the shower and calling out the children to get up and get ready for school.  We all would run to my car and off we went.  Dropping two off at Easterby School and the older one at Kings Canyon Middle school.  Last thing I would say to them as I drove off in a rush to work was, "Love You."   As long as I made it to work on time and all my children in school was what was important at that time in my life.


Time went on, I got older and wiser realizing that plans had to be made.  Goals had to be met.  Life was all about the quality of time spent with loved ones.  No more rushing here and there in the spur of the moment.  My children grew up and had families of their own now. 


Time is important.  I realized that much more when Jeannette was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She didn't have much time left.  Time was the most important thing in her life.  She spent it wisely by having her children be the centerpoint of her life.  At times, it was too much for me to witness how she focused more on making memories with them instead of her health.  It was her life, her time and that is what she wanted. 


I respected all her wishes.  Afterall, her time was running out.




 It ran out on September 3, 2009.

SENDING HAPPY BIRTHDAY WISHES TO HEAVEN

This first week of November, 2014 has been an emotional time for me.  Jeannette's birthday was November 5th.  Scattered all over my bed were pictures of her.  Moments back in time of her as a baby and all the way to her end of life.  I picked up each picture and my mind took me back from 1971 to 2014. 


She would be 43 years now if Breast Cancer would not have taken her from us.  It was so very sad to see her in such horrific pain for over a year trying to win her battle.  What a warrior she became.  She would set aside her pain and focus on her children by helping them with homework, etc.  I was there in her home witnessing what an awesome mommy she was to her four children. 


We all went to visit her gravesite on her birthday.  Her brother, sister, nieces, nephews, grandfather, aunties and uncles.  Each and everyone of us had special moments with her.  I was emotional and felt awful walking away back to my car leaving her there.  It felt like I was abandoning her and it made me sad. 


Jeannette lives on in spirit.  I am currently wearing her pink robe and slippers as I write this post.  I am also drinking from her coffee cup that says, "Breast Cancer Awareness."  It calms me somewhat when I have something of her.  The robe feels like she is hugging me.  Her slippers feel like she is soothing my feet and her coffee cup feels like she is nourishing me.  Such love coming from her things that I cherish with all my heart.


I love my daughter more than anything in this world.