THANK YOU JEANNETTE

There are so many things to be thankful for.  This is a big thank you to Jeannette.  Thank you Jeannette for being such a good daughter to me and an awesome mommy to your four children.  You gave so much love while you were here on earth.  We all miss you so much. 

Mothers Day 2017

Thinking of her on this Mothers Day.  I remember how she always sent me cards n flowers n sometimes would drive down to be with me.  She was a wonderful mommy to her four children.  Someday I know they will come to me n ask me all about her. Especially Shane n Conner because they were so young when she died.  Wish I could turn back time n be with her again.

MY HEART ACHES FOR HER

Well, here I am on this 12th day of January, 2017.  Just finished celebrating my birthday on the 9th.  After all was done on my special day, I went to bed feeling sad.  The feeling that is with me every single day of my life after my beloved Jeannette died.  My heart aches for her.  I do thank God for all my blessings.  Having my children and grandchildren here with me and now my great grandson, Noah too.  If I could have had my birthday wish come true, Jeannette would be here with me right now.

My dear dad is very sick and on Dialysis.  He is 89 years old.  If I could, I would take him on a very nice vacation but at this time he has to go to dialysis three times per week.  He mentioned to me that when he gets tired of going to treatments that he will let me know to stop and that he is anxious to meet up with my mom in Heaven.  It's his decision.  Jeannette never had that opportunity to make her final decisions about her life.  She was put into medically induced coma and given very strong pain medications to make her heart stop.  It was unfair and unjust.  I had no input into anything because her husband was in charge.  I wonder how he lives with himself knowing what he demanded from the doctors.  He was overheard on the phone call to his mother that he was so done with Jeannette's constant doctor visits, chemotherapy and radiation therapy appointments even though we all know he seldom accompanied her to them. 

As you can tell by this post, I still feel anger inside me regarding my beloved daughter's life. 

GOODBYE 2016

She lived a happy life for the most part.  Here she is up at the snow having fun.  I think it must have been 2007.  She had four beautiful children but left them forever in 2009.  She never had a chance to see them grow.  The oldest one at the time was 16.  She never had a chance due to breast cancer that took her from all of us.  She was in so much pain during all her chemo and radiation treatments.  No medication could take away the pain.  I cried out for help during her last stay at the hospital.  The nurses told me it wasn't time for her next dosage.  The doctor finally came to her bedside and ordered more pain meds.  She slept for a little but as soon as she was awake it was pain all over again. Can you imagine it.  Hearing her cry to me was heart breaking. 

Now, heading into 2017 and I thank God for all my blessings of 2016.  He blessed me with a great grandbaby in June, 2016.  He is adorable and I love him so much.  In November, my dear daddy lost his kidneys to failure and now undergoes dialysis three times per week.  Please pray for him.  On the first week of January, 2017 he will have surgery so needless to say, I am worried. 

In May of 2017, my granddaughter, Bianca will graduate from Fresno State University and then onto Graduate school.  I am very proud of her.  She was brought up in a single parent home and almost on the poverty level but I was always there helping out as much as I could.  She soared above all the classmates in grammar school and in high school.  She listened to my advice and is now about to reach her goals in life.  She holds down three jobs and teaches a Zumba class on weekends.  All this while going to school full time. 

As I reflect on 2016 I am grateful for all my blessings.  Yes, there were some tough times especially when my dad fell ill and was hospitalized and also when my washing machine broke and I had to buy a another one.  The good times out weigh the bad times.  Life goes on.  Another year gone without my beloved Jeannette.  I sure miss her phone calls and all the hugs and fun times we shared. 

Happy New Year to all my fans reading my posts.  God Bless.

CHRISTMAS TIME 2016

It has been over 7 years that my beloved Jeannette went to Heaven.  She is always on my mind especially during this holiday time.  Remembering how much she loved decorating her home and making a warm and cozy home for her family that she loved so very much.

Right in the middle of my shopping I notice young mothers with their children making their way to the toy sections of the stores.  I imagine Jeannette doing same thing.  She adored her four children and always made sure Santa brought them what they requested.  It is sad for me at times witnessing all the laughter and glee of families in the stores.  Sometimes I sit in my car in the parking lot drinking my coffee and listening the music and if I am lucky a song will come out that Jeannette loved. 

My current focus in life is my father.  He has really taken a turn for the worse.  His kidneys shut down and now he is on dialysis.  It is taking a toll on his health.  He has no energy.  I went to visit him on Tuesday and found him sitting on his favorite chair covered in warm blanket.  He asked me who I was.  I said, "It's me, daddy."  As I got closer to him he recognized me and was so happy.  My sister and my nephew take good care of him otherwise he would have to be in an assisted living facility.  I am grateful to them for taking on 24/7 responsibility in taking care of him. 

I became a great grandmother in June of this year.  What a blessing to be a great grandmother.  Noah is adorable and such a good baby. 

My granddaughter is about to finish Fresno State University and going on to Graduate School.  I am so proud of her.  Can't wait to celebrate with her.  I know if Jeannette were alive she would be so proud of her too. 

This year has been a blessing to me.  I thank God for waking up everyday  and being able to spread his love.  God is Love. 

Jeannette is missed so much.  Not one day goes by that I do not think of her.  Right now wearing her pink robe and slippers as I  type this post.   Her picture is close by.  I am sure she approves of this post. 

Missing My Jeannette

Monday morning here in Fresno, California.  I am drinking my morning coffee while listening to the television and at the same time looking at pictures of my precious daughter.  Yesterday, I was talking to a new friend all about Jeannette.  All about her battle with breast cancer and as I was talking emotions spilled out of my eyes in the form of big giant tears.  My friend hugged me and told me how sorry she was to know I lost my beloved Jeannette. 


Thanksgiving times with my family was so very sweet.  My oldest grandchild came to visit me with her little family. The whole family gathered around the dining table holding hands and prayed before we ate our big feast.   


Wish I could have had my Jeannette with us.  Missing her so much.

SHE LOVED MY SOPA

this picture reminds me of her.  She was the cutest and most adorable little girl.  How I wish I had her here with me right now, this very minute.  I just made her favorite sopa that she always got seconds and thirds of.