I HAD A MOTHER'S INSTINCT, I KNEW SHE WANTED TO TALK

I wonder what Jeannette was thinking when she took this picture.  She was deep into her thoughts.  I know she was full of stress but she hid it so well from me.  I guess she didn't want me to get depressed.  Little did she know, I really was lost in depression.  I cried all the time for her.  I still do. 

Last night I had a flash back of her last time in the hospital and how her husband insisted on having her sedated.  I had a big fight with him but I lost in the end.  The hospital administrator told me that I had no rights to my daughter and that her husband called all the shots.  I remember being there alone with her under sedation.  It was late at night.  I managed to make me a makeshift bed next to her.  The nurse came into the room and asked me to step outside while she cleaned her up.  I got up and waited outside her door.  When it was time to come back in the nurse was fixing her pillow.  I stood close to Jeannette and said, "Mija, I am back, I only left you for a few minutes."  Then I asked the nurse if she thought Jeannette could hear me.  She said, "Oh, yes, people that are sedated do not loose their hearing."  Then the nurse talked to Jeannette and said to her, "Jeannette, your mom is here right be your side."  All of a sudden some gurgling sounds were coming from her lungs.  It was as if she was trying to ask me to help her get out of sedation.  I had a mother's instinct.  I asked the nurse if she could be unsedated.  The nurse said it was up to Jeannette's husband. 

Next day another big fight with that demon erupted.  He flat out said, "No, I have suffered enough with this cancer and I just want her to go."  That damn demon!!  When I think of him not even giving her support and talking in front of her while in sedation about casket colors, etc. with my ex and his wife, makes me want to puke. 

Three years have gone by since my beloved Jeannette died.  Three years of deep hate.  I will never

NOT NEVER, get over what injustice she received. 

Some people have told me to let it go.  I can't.  I won't.