PAIN NON STOP DURING THIS TIME IN 2009

 Six years ago today was the very last time she would go to the hospital and never come back home.  Breast cancer was knocking at her door and anxious to take her away from her family.  She had such hopes in the beginning of her admission to the hospital.  I remember receiving her phone call that she was just getting another MRI to check about the extreme pain in her lower back.  I immediately went to Ventura and to the hospital to be with her.  The MRI could not be completed due to her anxiety so they brought her back to her room and rescheduled for another day.  She sat up on the hospital bed and looked out the window saying she so wanted to walk out and get fresh air and maybe eat an ice-cream with me.  Then the pain started and just would not leave her.  The nurse exclaimed to us all that she could not administer another dose of pain medication because it was not time to do it.  Meantime, Jeannette was crying in pain and squeezing my hand so tightly when the sharp pain would come. 


She suffered so much until her death on September 3, 2009. 


I am here thinking of her and missing her so much. 

 On August 8, 2015, Christian turned 9 years of age.  It was such a joyous time held at Johns Incredible Pizza.  Christian is Jeannette's nephew.  I asked him about the money he received and he said to me, "Grandma, I am putting it into my savings account."  I opened an account for him when he was a baby.  He has always known that the money saved is for his education.  I have told him that grandma might not be around by the time he goes to college and that he needs to save for it.  He is such a good little boy.  Smart, funny as heck, lovable, etc.  A little boy that has never known his grandpa even though his grandpa lives in same town and only miles away.  He doesn't dwell on it and instead cherishes all the love we all give him here.  He had such fun on his birthday and received many presents.

ANYTHING FOR HER

It is early morning and I am about to get ready but first thing I do even before I get out of my comfy bed is to thank Jesus for giving me this beautiful day.  I always start my mornings with coffee.  One day not too long ago, I was in a hurry in the morning and didn't have time to make coffee so off I went in my car.  Within an hour, my head began to hurt and all of a sudden a migraine headache came on.  My body was craving coffee.  Thank God the secretary at the office I was in offered me coffee.  After I drank a bit, my migraine headache was gone. 


 I think back to 2008 and at Jeannette's home in Thousand Oaks, California.  It was early morning too as I made my way to her lovely kitchen and began to make a big pot of coffee for her.  After it was done, I went into her bedroom and gave her a cup.  Nobody had to tell me she was in pain.  I could see the look on her face but in seconds she smiled and said to me, "Ma, can you put my coffee into the pink Breast Cancer awareness mug located on top shelf, please."  I went back into the kitchen and did as she had asked me then brought it to her.  She had a bigger smile on her face then.  I made sure to make her happy even if it was just changing mugs.


 My daughter was the most important person in my life.  I cherished every minute spent with her. 

A BEAUTIFUL DAY

 Thursday, August 6, 2015.  A somewhat hot morning here in Fresno, California.


 I was awakened by a knock on the door early in the a.m. As I walked to the door I was thinking who could it be this early in the morning.  I hope nobody is  bringing me bad news, etc.  I peeked outside the front window to see if the car parked in front was recognizable.  It certainly was.  My heart raced as I managed to make my way to the front door.  Unlocked the dead bolt lock and bottom lock and I slowly opened the door.  There she was standing there smiling and looking so beautiful.  A full head of hair touching her soft shoulders and her big eyes, yes, her big brown eyes so beautiful, oh, and her eyebrows were full along with her eyelashes.  I could not say one word to her and all I could do was stand there in front of her in a daze.  Tears flowing freely down my cheeks.  Not one word could be spoken.  I tried to say I love you to her but I was in such profound shock.  She hugged me ever so tightly and gently kissed my cheek then she walked into the living room and picked up a picture of her nephew that was on the mantel of the fireplace and kissed it.  Her long laced gown waved in the morning air as she walked into the kitchen.  I still could not say a word but followed her into the kitchen.  She picked up the box of Oatmeal and kissed it too.  Then she made her way to her sister's room.  Her sister was fast asleep with her cell phone in her hand.  She bent over and gently kissed her sister and touched her cell phone.  Then she went out the back door.  I followed her and touched her beautiful gown but still could not say a word to her.  She turned around and smiled at me and in a blink of an eye she was gone.  All of a sudden I could speak.  I yelled out, "Jeannette, please come back."  That's when my other daughter woke up and went to her bedroom window and told me, "Ma, please go to bed." 


It was the best dream ever.  Seeing my Jeannette in a dream makes this day so much happier.  I am in a positive mood and feel so damn happy.