Victoria Gabriella Balderama Centeno, You made Her Happy.

Class of 2011

Jeannette adored Tori.  They had a special bond.  One day long ago, Tori was spending time in Fresno for the summer.  I had picked her up in Corcoran and she was to spend one week in Fresno with me.  It was 2007, and it just so happened that Jeannette had come to Fresno for a visit. This was very exciting news for Tori because she loved Jeannette so much.  I made sure to pick up Bianca at my daughter Diana's house so that Tori had somebody her own age to hang out with and have fun.  I had plans to take the girls to the movies and out to lunch when all of a sudden Jeannette drove up in her new SUV with music blaring.  I ran outside to greet her.  She looked absolutely stunning.  Such a beautiful young mother.  She always had the latest styles going on.  She jumped off her car and ran straight into my arms.  I was so happy to see her.  Tori and Bianca hugged her too.  Jeannette sat down on the living room couch and talked to Tori and Bianca. One of the questions she asked Tori was if she had her new school clothes ready for school to start.  Tori, has always had a shy personality and is soft spoken so when Jeannette asked her that question, she mumbled a little tiny "no".  That put Jeannette loving brain into action.  She announced that she was taking Tori and Bianca to River park and Fashion Fair on a shopping spree.  I wanted to tag along but Jeannette said, "No, Ma, you rest here cause we are gonna do alot of walking."  I did stay and managed to catch up on my house chores while they were gone.  OMG, when they returned home there was piles of bags being put on top of my couch.  Tori was so excited to show me everything.  I sat there in amazement looking at all the nice clothes, shoes, handbags, etc.  Bianca showed me her things too. Both girls were hugging Jeannette as they talked a mile a minute about all the fun they had.  Tori went home back to Clayton, California and back to school wearing all that Jeannette had bought her. 
When the news of Jeannette having breast cancer filtered throughout our family, friends and relatives it made it's way to Clayton and into the lovely home where Tori sat in her room reading her book.  Her mother, Donna, told her the devastating news.  Tori took it very hard but made a vow that she would graduate high school and go on to college and make her cousin, Jeannette so very proud of her.  That's the kind of person Tori is.  She has the sweetest way about her, just like Jeannette.  A kind heart just like her father, (RIP) Victor Centeno.  She is very blessed to have an awesome mother like my sis, Donna.  I pray that Tori continues to follow her dreams and reach all the goals she has set out to.  She is young, beautiful and smart.  Just like my Nettle Poodle.

SEPTEMBER 3, 2011 - A DAY I SHALL NEVER FORGET

MY NETTLE



My sis, Donna



Last night I kept tossing and turning in bed.  I guess I was restless since I knew today I was going to struggle with my emotions.  My dad came over at around 7:30 a.m. all the way from Corcoran to see me.  I made a fresh pot of coffee and we sat in my living room talking.  He is a retired pastor and I totally value his words of wisdom.  He comforted me and reassured me that one day I will see Jeannette.  We went out to breakfast.  I ordered an omelet and was not too happy with the ingredients in it. I was about to complain to my dad about it but realized that this type of issue was not that important compared to other things such as dealing with my grief today.  He left at around noon.  My sister Donna called me and we both cried on the phone.  She feels my pain. I am truly blessed to have a loving family to support me during this difficult time.  I thank you sis for always being there for me.  You are my living ANGEL.  My Jeannette loved you so very much.   Rest in Peace, my Nettle Poodle.

THIS IS WHAT SHE CRIED THE MOST ABOUT

Today is two years since my Jeannette died.  She died at 3:36 p.m.  Her heart couldn't beat anymore because the pain medication was jacked up so much in order to full fill her husband's wishes.  She could have lived longer but there was a plan in place and it worked for him.  Anyway, I woke up crying for her this morning.  I will never forget all the tears she shed and her telling me that she didn't want to leave her children.  She loved them more than anything on this earth.  Conner, Shane, Mathew and Loreal had the most awesome mother.  I will never forgive Jeannette's father for not stepping up to the plate and fight for what was right.  He just didn't care.  His mind was only on one thing and it was the MONEY.   I bet that when he goes to sleep at night he has nightmares now.  I bet also, he is not happy.   I rebuke him and everyone that went along with Pat's wishes.  Someday, they will all pay.  All I know right now is that I miss her so much and I have tears flowing and anger bursting at the seams all over again today.  Please pray for me today.  My Jeannette, my baby.  How I miss her.

My Baby is Gone but Never Forgotten



My Baby

Here she is, my beautiful baby Jeannette.  She loved taking her bath.  Look at her and see what a pretty little doll face she had.  She had five teeth and she ate anything I gave her.  I loved taking care of her.  The best baby any mother could want.  Just by looking at her smile, I know she was happy with me.  This makes me feel good.  I wish I would have never left her with babysitters.  I wish I never went to work early in the morning before she was up.  If I could be a young mother again, I would have stayed home with my babies.  Time goes by so quickly and before long they are all grown up and have their own families.   Jeannette told me long ago that she loved me and that she realized all the sacrifices I made to give her a better life.  My heart aches for my baby. My Nettle Poodle.  Looking at this picture, I feel like picking up the cup and putting water in it and giving her a bath.  My Baby.  

My Three Granddaughters

Bianca, Ashlee and Loreal

December 25, 2010.  They were together enjoying the day with each other.   Ashlee and Bianca wanted to spend some time with Loreal to comfort her because it had only been one year that Jeannette had died.  I was at my dad's house in Corcoran, Ca. comforting him because my mother died on December 25, 2009.  It was a difficult time for him too. I think about how Jeannette would have loved to be with her children especially at Christmas time.  She used to love decorating her home and having a big Christmas tree full of presents for her loved ones. I think about my mom always asking my dad to make a Ham or Turkey for our Christmas dinner.  I always made sure to give my mom her favorite cream( visible difference).  It was expensive but I didn't care cause it was for my mommy.  It is now one day before the two year anniversary of Jeannette's death. My life is never gonna be the same. I miss her everyday more and more.  She did not want to die. She cried to me saying, "What about my babies,ma."  I shall never forget her sadness when she was told by her doctor that there was nothing more they could do.  I mean, I feel bad when I am at the back of a long line waiting to get tickets to concert and when I finally get to the front, the person selling the tickets says, "Sorry, no more tickets."  But, for a doctor to tell a patient there is nothing more I can do to let you live has got to be the ultimate devastating news.  It hit me like a bullet was entering my heart.  I cried with my daughter.  I hugged her and she trembled in my arms.  Now, I know she is rejoicing in Heaven so that in itself comforts me.  I miss her so much.  My Nettle Poodle, my baby girl.  I pray that Bianca, Ashlee and Loreal never get breast cancer.  I love them so very much.  And if Loreal is reading this please know that I will always be here for you, baby.  Unconditional Love. 

My Girls, My Sweet Girls, My Flesh and Blood

Nettle and Diana

Today is Thursday, Sept. 1, 2011.  On Saturday will be two years since Jeannette passed.  As I was driving home I played some music she loved.  It brought me to tears by the time I turned the corner to my home. Diana called and said she dreamed of her and it was as if it were real.  I remember that about a month before she died she called me.  She said to me that while she was lying in her bed late at night that she saw tiny little angels twinkling all around her.  She was crying when she told me, " Ma, please believe me."  I told her I did and that God sent her the Angels so she would know he is real and he was there to comfort her.  I knew the time was getting close to the end when she saw the angels.  It broke my heart as I lay in my bed after the phone call.  I was talking to a co-worker during my break today about Jeannette.  She said that I need to be strong and let it go.  That I need to focus on myself and just live life to the fullest.  I looked at her and I said to her that I will never ever let "it go".   My daughter will never be forgotten.  Never, NO not Never.   I guess everyone on this earth has different views on death.  Some people just forget and go on about their lives.  Some go party the minute the casket is put in the hole.  I am not some people.  I am Gloria Rocha, the mother of a beautiful daughter named Jeannette Eileen and I shall never stop being her mother.  I shall die missing her. 

Jeannettes Boys, 2011

Conner



Shane




Mathew



My latest pics of these precious grandchildren.  Glad to see the great big smiles on their faces.  It's been two years since their mommy died.    Love them.