HER CHILDREN NEED TO KNOW THIS

Sunday morning.  Just about ready to make breakfast for my grandson who spent the night with me.  I am thinking about my Jeannette and remembering how beautiful she was all her life.  Even as the breast cancer ravaged her body, she still put on her wig and painted on a little make-up to look presentable to her children.  She never wanted her children to cringe at looking at her.  She wanted them to remember her as a pretty mommy.  I cried last night because of the news about Whitney Houston's sudden death.  It brought back the grief that I still feel about my Jeannette. 

Jeannette lived her life so wholesome and clean.  She was in the military and was so proud to serve our nation.  She traveled all over this world.  She never abused drugs or alcohol.  Living for her children is all that mattered to her.  She loved them more than anything in this world.  Jeannette spent her last year of her life trying to make memories for her children.  She took them on an extended cruise and also to Disneyland, Lego Land and all the amusement parks that she could think of.  She was not thinking of herself and instead her main focus was her children.  I hope that they always remember that about her. 

She suffered through the most horrific pain that anyone can endure.  Her pain was worse than being burned alive.  It made her scream out in her last days at the hospital.  The management of her pain was not done right.  The doctors decided to ween her off all pain meds and focus on just one called Methadone.  They justified it by saying it was a long releasing medication that over the coarse of time would take the pain away completely.  WRONG!!  It did not do it's job.  Her body turned against her and it was as if a drug addict reacts without drugs.  The body reacts by shutting down and having spasms, sweats, trembling, headaches, vomiting, seizures, etc. all at once.  The Methadone was not the answer to her pain.  It complicated the pain.  She felt the pain in her birthing canal.  It made her go into childbirth pains.  Every five minutes she was pushing and screaming.  My baby was screaming for me telling me, "Mama, Mama, please help ME".   I was not in control of the situation.  I yelled out at the nurse asking them for pain meds.  One nurse told me it was not time.  I yelled out, "Get her the Fuck'n pain meds NOW!!!!!  She called the doctor.  I ran to the doctor and begged him to please help her.  He gave her a shot of heavy meds.  Jeannette stopped crying,  Jeannette stopped screaming.  Jeannette fell asleep.  I prayed.  I waited.  My baby was in her last days.  I am still grieving today.