On my way to see Jeannette in 2008

October 18, 2011.  How fast time passes in our lives.  It seems like just yesterday it was 2008 and I stopped for coffee in Kingsburg as I was heading out to see Jeannette.  I was anxious to see her and to help her in anyway I could. 

Two years have gone by.  Two years without her.  Two years of profound grief.  A grief that is indescribable.  It is a grief that is with me 24/7.  I wonder why it happened that she died so very young.  On November 5, 2011, she would have been 40 years of age.  She would have been in her prime of life.  I have lived to be 20, 30, 40, 50, 60.  I have no clue as to why the cancer came and took her from me.  Her battle with cancer was fought hard.  She believed every word that came out of her doctor's mouths regarding their plan to get her well.  She endured several rounds per week of chemo and several radiation treatments three times per week.  I was trying to make her understand that they were poisoning and burning her slowly.  She didn't listen to me.  Who was I.  After all, I was just her mother and not a professional doctor.  What I witnessed at the end of her life could be made into a horror movie.  They made her go cold turkey when they cut her off all pain medications and put her on a pill called methadone.  I can still hear her screaming to me, "Mama, Mama, please help me." 

Until you experience my life and what I have had to deal with, you will never understand my pain.  My grief, my anger, my disgust at all those that hurt my baby girl.  NO, not never will I forget all the injustice.  NOT NEVER.

I miss my Nettle Poodle.