I Realize This is the Last Picture we Took Together



Me and my precious daughter

Today is August 29, 2011.  It is my son's birthday.  I took some pictures with him during our birthday dinner tonight.  As I was driving home I was thinking about the few pictures I have of Jeannette and I.  I mean, I do have several but not alot.  The picture above is one that I will cherish for it was our last picture together.  We were at the Fresno Fair in 2008.  It is only is only five days until the second anniversary of her death.  As time gets closer to that date I begin to feel so much grief.  I remember her being moved around the hospital.  She was to the point where she needed so much more than one nurse could handle.  Pain was with her night and day.  One nurse walked in to check on one of her IVs and found Jeannette sitting up on her bed.  It was one of those rare moments where the pain medicine worked for a short time.  Enough time to let her converse.  She was sipping on some cold water and I was sitting across from her.  I happened to call her Nettle Poodle.  The nurse heard me and said, "Your mom loves you."  I remember Jeannette smiling and saying, "Yes, she's my mommy."  I felt so happy to know she knew that I adored her.  After that she slept for a while and the next day is when the sedation doctor came in at the request of Jeannette's husband.  So, tomorrow is the day she was sedated under false pretenses.  I was adamant that I did not want her sedated.  After finding out I had no rights to my own daughter I felt devastated but I still had hope that she would be un-sedated or reversed at one point and that she would be able to wake up.  It never happened.  I know in my heart she was trying to come out of it.  The nurse put a suction tube down her throat to suck up the mucus.  She told me that Jeannette could hear me and her and that to her it seemed like she wanted to wake up due to all the noise her lungs were making.  I got close to her and told her this:  "Nettle, it's me, mama.  I love you mija so very much.  I am gonna fight with everyone here to make them wake you up. "  She kept making the lung noise after I talked to her.  Next morning when her husband and her doctor were there I asked the doctor and he said yes, I can.  But, all of a sudden the monster in Pat came out yelling so loud against it that the director of the hospital was called.  He came and asked for me.  Took me to the end of the hallway and told me that Jeannette's husband could ask him at any second to kick me out of the hospital and that it would be his lawful duty as director of the hospital to escort me out of the premises.  He advised me to keep quiet and not do anything that would jeopardize my stay and be close to my daughter. Needless to say, I ran crying to the bathroom and then I ran out of the bathroom crying all the way to my car.  I got into my car and cried and cried.  I made phone calls to my precious parents and they prayed for me.  Then I called my co-workers and several friends.  I cried so much and then when I got out of my car I became a zombie.  I headed back to Jeannette and didn't speak a word.  I opened my bible and read it and kept vigil over her.  Her husband was content now.  His plan was in the works.