Those Eyes, That Pretty Face

My Nettle

It's Saturday night on August 27, 2011.  Here I am sitting at my desk on this computer looking at those eyes of hers and that pretty face.  How I wish I could be sitting across from her having a good time.  Instead, I am here remembering her.  My daughter is gone and it hurts so much.  Sometimes it hits me while I am at work and I close my door to my office and cry my eyes out.  I just can't accept the fact that she got breast cancer.  When I first touched the lump on her chest, I felt like I was having a stroke.  I could not even talk.  She told me that the doctors at Kaiser told her she could not have a mammogram due to her young age.  They said it was a pectoral muscle.  I told her to go to another doctor and get a different opinion.  She did and they did a five core biopsy.  A core biopsy is different than a needle point biopsy in that it is more painful because it is like a screw being drilled into your breast.  She was in so much pain from that when she called me crying uncontrollable tears telling me it was cancer and it was stage 4.  I remember that when she called me I was in my car driving down Blackstone Ave and was about to make a turn onto Sheilds Ave.  I had to make a quick right turn and park my car.  My heart was racing, I was having palpitations and I could not breathe.  I cried so much and kept asking God to please, please make her well.  Everything after that happened too fast.  It was the most heart wrenching and heart stopping time of my life.  My beautiful daughter was being taken away from me.  To make matters even worse is that she was so far away from me.  To make matters even worse than that is all the injustice she received.  I am still angry about that.  One day, I will be with her in Heaven and I know that I will be truly happy then.  I miss her so much.  People that read my post might think to themselves that it's been almost two years and that by now I should be over it.   I shall NEVER EVER BE OVER IT.