DISNEYLAND, THAT'S WHERE SHE TOOK THEM

I believe it was May of 2009 when she announced to us that she wanted to go one last time to Disneyland with her family.  She arranged to stay 2 days there.  As I drove back to Fresno I thought about how much energy she was using on her broken down body.  I know that in the past years when I went to visit Disneyland it took up all my energy walking around, standing in long lines, etc.  She just did not care about herself and what really was important to her was her children.  She wanted to make memories with them.  I kept my personal feelings about her going to myself.  Jeannette had a mind of her own and never was influenced by anyone except for one person and that was her dad.  From the early age of 16, she believed everything that came out of that man's mouth.  I could not stop it.  Nobody could.  Even before her diagnosis and while on the verge of divorce she called her dad to ask for advice.  He told her to stay with her husband even if he was abusive to her because she would end up on the welfare lines if she left him.  Come on now, Jeannette was making a hell of alot more money than her husband and had so many benefits.  However, he convinced her to stay and I believe with all my heart that was the biggest mistake she made.  I could not make her change her mind.  So, I witnessed such abuse that it is making me cry right now when I write these words.  My mother told me once that my ex was a professional liar and scammer and that one day he will pay for all that he has done to me and our children.  If  I would have had my way, I would have moved Jeannette to Fresno and had her in the care of so many loved ones that had so much compassion for her.  She would have been buried here in Fresno and I would have her close to me so that I could visit her everyday.  Right now I know she is in Heaven and rejoicing in God's loving arms.  I totally miss her so much and today I listened to her voice again on my cell phone.  It sounds so crisp and so sweet just like as if she is still here on earth.   I pray each day that I go to heaven to reunite with my baby one day.  I just gotta get that unforgiving sin out of me.  It is hard. Real hard to do.  O.K. so today at 9:00 a.m. I did say to myself  "I forgive them."  But by 9:05 a.m. I started hating again and I am back to square one again.  I am trying.  Please Lord help me.