I STOPPED CRYING AND SMILED FOR HER

Her Mama

It was May of 2009.  I was in Fresno and spending the night in Diana's back house so that we could all head to Thousand Oaks early in the morning.  Diana made me a comfortable bed and made dinner for me.  Anxiety, nervousness, palpitations, etc.  I had it all and then she called.  Asking if I was o.k. and telling me she was worried about me.  Here she was dying of cancer and in horrific pain and she was calling ME, to ask if I was o.k.  I said yes mija.  She said, "Send me a picture so that I can see for sure that you are o.k.  I did.  I managed to break out a smile for her.  Had to powder my nose  a little.  She had made me do that once before.  After we hung up I went over to talk to Diana and I told her what I had to do for Jeannette to believe I was o.k.  Diana said, "Mom, just know we love you. "  She went on to say that I have been a mother and father to her, Daniel and Jeannette.  I broke down crying again and then went to bed.  We all left Fresno at around 6:00 a.m. and stopped in Bakersfield for breakfast.  Diana brought Jeannette's favorite music and we listened to it all the way to her house.  We arrived at her home and she welcomed us with open arms and so many tears of joy.  Right now it's almost 9:30 p.m. and it makes me cry to know she will never greet me at her door.  I shall never feel her warm embrace and her gentle kiss on my cheek.  I shall never hear her say to me, "Ma, I love you so much."  o.k. now I am heading for bed before I totally loose it again.