MIJA, I WILL TRY SO HARD TO FORGIVE THEM

Today is Sept. 12, 2011.  Got up early and first thing I did was think of her.  She is always on my mind.  Made coffee, ironed my clothes, made my bed, etc.  and all the while thinking of her.  Yesterday I was talking to my brother Ron.  I had given him a ride to the store.  When I parked in front of his house he said, "Sis, I need to talk to you about something that has been on my mind." I looked at him, my younger brother, such a sweet person and such a God fearing man.  He sure does have a great testimony about his life which took a turn for the positive when he opened his heart to God.  So, as I looked over at him, I knew he was going to tell me something about the bible.  At least I hoped he would.  I mean, I haven't done anything to make him be upset with me.  So, I listened as he went into detail about what he was about to tell me.  Bottom line is that he said I have the spirit of unforgiving in my heart and until I let it go, I will not reach the kingdom of Heaven.  He said to me, " Goya, you are very hurt by everything that Danny, Pat and all others that committed injustice to Jeannette."  I stopped him right in the middle of what he was going to say and told him this.  "Yes, Yes, Yes, I hate, I despise , I rebuke them."  He looked at me and said to me, "Goya, I know you are a good person by everything you do for your children, dad and relatives and friends."  I nodded yes, that's me.  He said, " Goya, all the good things you do are not going to get you into Heaven."  He said, " God forgave us for our sins, and YOU need to forgive those that trespass against you."  My brother tried to reason with me saying to me it's not good for me to harbour all the resentment and hate.  I told him that as much as I try, I can't let go of that feeling.  I told him I was there when my daughter was being yelled, cussed at and manipulated.  He said, "Goya, just let it go, because if you should die tonight, you will not reach the kingdom of Heaven because you held on to the spirit of unforgiving."  We talked for at least an hour.  I drove home crying and thinking about everything he said to me.  Today, I am working on it.  Step by step and inch by inch, I will let it go.  Nobody in this world was Jeannette's mom except me.  I love her so very much and it is hard for me to say to the people that hurt her, "O.K. I forgive you."  I know that it is best for my health and I am not getting any younger so I will try.  I called him today and told him I am trying.  Really trying.